Day 108

Ever feel like there is something wrong with you? Well I know that I do. It’s kind of frustrating for me. I mean, my friends are Gorgeous! so they naturally have guys dying over them. Multiple guys asking them to homecoming, flirt with them, ask them out and the such as…. And then there is me. And the only guy I can seem to attract is Ryan, who sits next to me in World Cultures, and is generally gross and creepy. Sure, there are certain people I would like to be liked by, but it would be nice to know I’m liked by someone (who isn’t creepy). Penelope and I had this discussion tonight. When some one charming likes you, you feel pretty, and normal, and likable, and notice-worthy. It doesn’t really matter if you like them back, and that’s so terrible to say. I’m not promoting the use of boys as a simple pick me up, I’m simply saying that it feels good to be liked. And how hard it is to be the best friend of the “it” girl who has guys dying over her the second she batts her eyelashes. And don’t take this the wrong way either. I ADORE her, there is a reason we are best friends, and I’m not hateful toward her, or blaming her for anything. I’m simply expressing how it hurts to not ever be seen like that.

It makes me wonder whats wrong with me. Penelope has assured me that its because people are attracted to my personality in a “friend way”. That I have a “great” personality that makes boys want to be my friend, but its weird other wise… whatever she says. I prefer the more humble route of “there must be something I’m not enough of, or there is something that I’m too much of” Blarg…

I don’t need people to tell me that I’m pretty, or talented, or likable or whatever other girls need to be told. I need hugs. Someone gave me a hug today, and I realized how much that communicated to me that I was worth their time, that I was lovable, that I wasn’t a burden. In a family where I am the oldest of 4 kids, 3 of whom need really attention, its easy to feel like a burden, and so its easy to hide. I need more hugs. Thats my conclusion.

Blarg, thanks for just listening.

Random Fact of the Day- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Mission of the Day- Give someone a hug.

Love you!



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