Day 182

Sunday… I’m unsure of how I feel about today…

I’ve been thinking about dreams today. Not dreams that you have when you sleep, but your hopes and dreams. There are dreams we hold on to for years and years. Dreams that keep us up at night. Dreams that keep us going in life. Dreams that give us hope when times are tough. Dreams that keep us smiling. But as the Muppets said “And yes some dreams come true, and yes some dreams fall through.” There are dreams I’ve been holding onto for a long long time. And I realized today that it’s just not happening. There are things worth holding on to, but there comes a tim when hoping for the impossible is just going to end up hurting you. That’s what I learned today. It’s just a hope I need to give up. And yes, some dreams DO fall through. Often the most dear ones. Isn’t that sad? But it’s life.

Thinking about hurt. Sure, a person you don’t know very well can hurt your feelings through a rude comment or a snide remark, but the people who hurt you most are the people who you care about. That’s another thing I’ve been thinking about.

I love the song “Song for the Suburbs” by Ben Rector. Can’t remember if I’ve told you this before but it’s amazing.

Don’t let the suburbs kill my heart and soul

I think I should have been a hippie. Live in the country, dance through fields of wild flowers, have long hair with dasies in it, sing with the birds, wear flowy skirts, ride my bike everywher, play a gorgeous white grand piano in under a clear blue sky (OK, so that doesn’t quite fit, but it’s totally me) The suburbs sometimes are totally killing my heart and soul. This is my life, wishing I was a free spirit.

I’ve always wanted to be percieved as a free spirit. Seen as a curly headed, life of the party, hard to get, myseterious, talented, interesting, fun girl. The kind of girl who wears floaty dresses and converse, who has huge earings, rocks at science, has nerd glasses that don’t make her look like a nerd, has a laugh that lights up a room and is always interesting to talk to. That’s always been my dream. I want to be that kind of girl. I know that it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be, but if I could recreate myself, that’s the kind of girl I’d be. A girl who people like because of who I am. A girl with dream boat eyes that you wouldn’t notice till you’re close to her. I girl with a quirky sense of humor. Thats my dream.

Random Fact of the Day- Blood oranges are just like regular oranges except more sour and red.

Mission of the Day- If you could recreate yourself what would you be like?

Love you!



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