Day 195

I’ve just had a soul draining week. My body is protesting everything I do. My heart is tired. And my brain is fried.

This hasn’t been a bad week. Not in the slightest. It’s just been long and exhausting. I’ve been thinking… a lot. I’ve been discovering. And praying. I talked to Dad for a long time about praying. Funny, it often changes depending the situation, but sometimes when Life is easy we forget about God, and sometimes when Life is hard we push God away.

Why is that? Such a weird clash of ideas.

I had a discussion with someone today about charming vs. flirtatious vs. friendly.I honestly couldn’t tell you exactly what I think about it. Give me something to think about.

Watching Princess Diaries 2. Mia sneaking off with the guy she isn’t marrying. Just dancing under the stars. Being rebellious. I don’t want to live fitting into molds and expectations. I’m happy being myself.

Talking with dad about how girls settle. We have this deep need in our soul to know that we’re likable. Know that we’re worth someones time. That we aren’t unlovable. And so the first guy who shows an interest is like a savior to that girl. We hook on to that one person who gives us attention because we’re afraid that if we don’t take that opportunity no one will ever like us again. It’s rather stupid. Because generally, the first guy who likes you isn’t as fabulous as you think he is.

Discussing the song “If I Can’t Love Her” from Beauty and the Beast the Musical.

No beauty could move me
No goodness improve me
No power on earth, if I can’t love her
No passion could reach me
No lesson could teach me
How I could have love her and made her love me too
If I can’t love her, then who?
No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore, if I can’t love her
No spirit could win me
No hope left within me
Hope I could have loved her and that she’d set me free

It’s a beautiful song that is wonderful to sing and fabulous to play. But someone pointed out that if a girl sang this song about a boy, she would seem like a desperate creeper. But it’s ok when a guy sings it (given, it’s totally flattering.) I’ve just wondered why… I think it has something to do with how we view gender roles. Guys are generally expected to chase girls. It’s expected that they would pine after a girl. Girls are just supposed to sit around and wait. Admire from a distance. Guys ask girls out or to dances and stuff like that. In some ways that’s great. Honestly, I’m so afraid of rejection that the thought of asking a guy anything is enough to make me want to hide. But there are times when that expectation can be a pain.

Peace. I have peace on my mind. Life gets so stressful that I kinda freak out sometimes. I just need to breathe more.

Random Fact of the Day- Tomorrow is Squirrel Appreciation Day.

Mission of the Day- Commit a health rebellion. Remind me to tell you about my thoughts on that tomorrow.

Love you always 🙂

Abby

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