Day 199

So right now I should be doing my AP English homework. But I’ll be honest with you right now. My brain is so occupied that I’m having a hard time processing normal things.

I’ve told you before that I feel things deeply. But I don’t think I’ve ever explained this in the context of stories. I’m pretty OK with movies. I can watch a movie and have it affect me, but then go on with my life. Books however aren’t like that for me. With books, you’re reading someone’s mind. You are seeing the world through their eyes. With books you are feeling their joys and heartaches. A movie can make you cry because of things you see. A book can make you cry because of things you feel. Watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 makes you cry because you see people die. The book makes you cry because those people meant something to this “you” that is within the book. When Susan Pevensie turns her back from Narnia you cry because she was your sister (or if you’re me, you were her.) In Looking for Alaska you cry because you were in love with Alaska (or you were her)

So, it sounds crazy, but I have a lot to sort out in my mind. Looking for Alaska wasn’t just interesting, it was thought provoking. The kind of book that makes you question your existence. And I think that it’s healthy to consider your place in the world and what it means. I’ve just been thinking about that a good bit more than I have in most of my life. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a functioning human being. I just have these things to work out.

“In my life there are so many questions and answers that some how seem wrong.” Um…. Yea. Exactly.

I’ve come to the realization that my life is full of questions, ranging from the meaning of life to my favorite song to where I want to go to College (sorry, didn’t mean to say the C-word)  But I think that it’s relatively healthy. It’s OK to be content with where you are but I think I need to search for purpose. I know the right answer. I know that my purpose on earth is to glorify the living God who created, loves and sustains me. But how do the little things I have to do fit into that box? What does doing my AP English homework have to do with how I live my life? How does the way I handle situations with Guys affect my life? How does the way I deal with Stuff change me? These are the things I need to figure out. I’m not looking for easy answers. I’m not looking for quick answers. For these aren’t things that come instantly. They take years of Life, and hours of thought, and miles of travel, and days in prayer. I suppose that the truth is that I’m not looking for answers per say, I’m looking for context. Looking to see how it all fits.

Another thing I’ve been realizing. I’m such a girl (no duh…) I’ve got these crazy incompatible desires. Some days I want someone to fill this hole that we all have to know that we’re liked, and others I want to be free and independent. There are times where I want to be surrounded by people and have a fabulous time, and others where I want to be left alone and just read. Times when I want to be more adventurous, and times when I just can’t look over the edge. Times when I want to be a child, times when I want to be a grown up. Times when I want to be unique and times when I want to fit in. Times I wish I was more normal and times when I wish I was more exciting. Times when I wish life was simpler and times when I wish I had more to do. Days where I want to sleep forever but want to get things done.

I suppose it’s normal and healthy. But I’m not always sure.

She makes beauty look effortless… Singing this over and over. I’ve noticed that I kind of have an obsession with songs written about the kind of girl I want to be.

Thinking more about Charming. The reason that Charming is such an issue for girls is because of the whole emotional attachment thing. So here’s my question: Are there Charming girls? (here are my original thoughts on Charming Do guys have the same issues with that? Because Charming can be heartbreaking to girls. So are there Charming girls who make guys feel special and then turn out to be uninterested?

These are the things I think about. And I think that the more I think the hard it is for me to express my thinks. I know that didn’t make any sense. But hey, if you lived in my brain things would all be clearer (or less clear, depending on how you look at it.)

I feel like my world is an Etch-a-Sketch. And someone has been shaking it. I say this mostly because it’s been crazy foggy out side, but there’s some deeper meaning to it than that. THink about it.

Random fact of the Day- The average giraffe has an 18 inch long tongue. Wow… that’s a long tongue.

Mission of the Day- Contemplate unicorns and their relevancy to your life. Yes! A unicorn IS relevant to your life in some way.

Love you!



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