Day 202

Distractions… Life is full of them

There are days where all I want is to lounge on facebook. Days where my iPod is my only friend. Days where my phone is a life line. Days when the piano is my sole joy. Days where a book is my reality. Days where blogging is all I care about. Days where my friends are the only interesting thing. Days when boys are the only thing I can think about.

It sounds crazy and melodramatic. But I think that if we look at it like that, these things that are such a big part of our lives are such a distraction. Why do I waste my time on things that just don’t matter. I wonder if it isn’t because it makes me feel like I have a purpose. As humans we all want a purpose. We were created with a purpose. Created to Glorify the God of our universe. But that isn’t something we’re born knowing. It’s something we’re born wondering. We know that we should have a purpose, that we aren’t just living to live.

Knowing that purpose and pursuing it are so different. We want a purpose that’s easy. That comes with as little pain and heartbreak as possible. So, holding on to things like phones, iPods, blogs, hobbies, people, boys, work or whatever gives us a sense of purpose. The sense that we are both wanted, and important. As humans we want to know that we’re important. That’s why we have dogs. Because when you get home from work or school you know that there will be one person (or animal) that is excited about your existence. A dog is genuinely excited to see you, because they need you. And don’t we want to be needed?

Thinking more about this breathe thing. I’ve noticed that in my life I’m striving for OK. Striving for life to be OK by some standard that truly doesn’t exist. Striving to be OK, to be good enough. But I’ve realized something. I’ll never be good enough. You’ll never be good enough. Because we weren’t created to be good enough. We were created to be perfect. Sure, we’ve screwed that up pretty badly, but the promise remains. Once we admit our screw ups and failures, we are seen as that perfect person we were created to be. Not by humans, but by the one person who matters, made you, and is magnificent.

I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid of pain. And isn’t that so human? Sure, death is scary and uncertain. It’s a gaping hole, and even for those of us who know what’s coming it’s unimaginable. But at least it’s definite. Pain… it affects us all differently. It can make life unbearable, with no escape. Pain is undefined. It comes from so many places. And sometimes there is no cure. And it’s just something we have to live with. We want life to be comfortable, and it just isn’t always. Both physical and emotional pain are just a part of life.

Listening to a song and the words are “We will over come by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.” Your testimony is your story. Let me tell you, my story is a complicated one. It’s not always pretty. There’s a lot of pain and a lot of anger. But there is also a lot of joy and a lot of love. And as I sang the words of that song I realized what they really meant. I’m overcoming because of my story. Not just the good times, but the hard times. The times I’m ashamed of, the times that are ugly. That all of that is working together to live out my purpose. All of that is a part of me and has changed me, and I’d like to think for the better.

I often wonder about the past. Wonder what would have happened if I had done something differently. But there is no way to know. And I believe that all things happen the way they do for a greater purpose than I can understand.

When someone almost says something and then won’t say it. Erg… Frustration.

Second guessing. It makes life harder than one feels it should be.

Girlnextdoor-itis. I suppose I’ll live. I always do. I’ve realized that that phrase has become a big thing in my mind. “I’ll live. I always do” I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. But it’s true. I’ve had pain, but I’ve lived, and until the day I die I will continue to do so.

Over the weekend a friend asked me if I considered myself to be a wise person. Honestly? I don’t know. I have wisdom I’m sure. I’ve had life experience, and I’ve learned from other people. Sure, I feel like I have wisdom. But sometimes I feel like I don’t apply it to my life. Maybe I’m just stubborn. So I don’t know…

Random Fact of the Day-  Other substances used to make lipstick have included hog’s lard and rose petals. (And that’s why I don’t like lip stick)

Mission of the Day- Smile and know your purpose. And then do a funny dance. Then act like nothing happened.

Love you



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