Day 206

“Hey Abby, Remember that love is a decision so it’s impossible to fall in love without some kind of conscious decision.”

Hmmm… interesting. Not something I really considered. I believe that we call it “falling in love” for a reason. You generally don’t choose to fall in love with someone. But there’s a pretty obvious point being made there. There must be a choice made there. But what? That a person is important enough to you to pursue? Choosing that caring about that person is worth your time? I really don’t know… That’s something I’ll need to contemplate.

OK, this sounds stupid, but I’ve spent the past couple of hours reading brotips.com (if you haven’t seen it before then do it) But there are a lot of truths there. So that’s what I’ve been doing. Reading, laughing, thinking.

I’ve been listening to this great CD that my friend Megan leant to me. The groups name is Jenny and Tyler and the music has just really stuck with me.

broken-hearted i come
my cup is empty, my mouth is dry
see how quickly i fall
burdened with darkness
heavy in lies

i want to cry, but i can’t
i try to stand but i fall down again

i need You to carry me
i need You to carry me
i need You to carry me
when i am weak

o this can’t be enough
to just say i’m sorry, to confess my fault
when i’ve hurt You so much
and now i am asking for You to do more

That which is in bold. That’s what really made me think. Don’t we feel like that sometimes? The song is just beautiful, and it makes me think.

blank pages for months
and the sound of his voice rings in my head
saying i should give up
and all that I write is meaningless

he says, no one else has to know about this
no one else has to know

white sheets feel so cold
i pull them tight but i can’t get warm
tonight he has won
i turn on the light so i won’t feel alone

he says, no one else has to know about this
no one else has to know

abandoned guitars
dust covered shelves, laundry piled high
tell me i’m not enough
and i know that they are wrong
but i still believe these lies

he says, no one else has to know about this
no one else has to know
no one else has to know

ooh i want to see myself through Your eyes
ooh i want to see myself through Your eyes Divine
ooh Father help me see myself through Your eyes
ooh i want to see myself through Your eyes
ooh i want to see myself through Your eyes

I truly don’t know what to say about this one. It just kinda hit me hard. Life gets so hard and we just give up.

Yesterday I spent the evening with Gretchen, we watched a fabulous movie and cried and talked about life. It was good, there were a lot of things we needed to discuss, and we made some interesting discoveries to say the least 🙂 I truly love my friends. Driving home in the dark, listening to Ben Rector. Letting the music shake me.

I’ve been feeling not quite right over the past couple of weeks. And I’m not really sure why, but I’ve found that music the answer. And a good one at that.

This is not melodramatics. This isn’t me complaining about my life. This isn’t me hating on the world or pouring out my heart. This is me putting my thoughts out there. My mom asked me what this is all about. This is about being consistent, being honest, and hoping that other people can learn from my musings. And I’ve been told that people do learn, and that’s all I can hope for. I don’t expect to be some fabulous example to humanity, or a great standard for “bloggers everywhere” I just want to be honest. If you’re choosing to read this then there are one of two things going on in your mind:
1. You want to know what’s going on in my life
2. You want some honesty

So now you know. I just want to be honest. I figure that if I’m going to fail, and spend my time thinking that someone might as well learn from it, of learn to think about it another way.

Random Fact of the Day- Jenny and Tyler are married. (I could think of nothing more interesting)

Mission of the Day- http://jennyandtylermusic.com/ and love it.

Love you!

Abby

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