Day 220

Blogging a little early today because I’ve got a good bit on my mind and I’m in need of some silence.

If you can’t take it then don’t dish it out. It’s something people say, but it’s not something we think about often. Though it’s true. Offensive people who can’t hear the truth. Rude people who can’t take correction. Flirts who hate being lead on. Sarcastic people who can’t take a joke. Heart breakers who can’t take being dumped. Proud people who hate arrogance. Negative people who hate complainers. You know the type. The thing they hate most in other people are the things you hate in them.

I’m not attacking here, I’m noticing a pattern in humanity. The things we hate most in other people are often the things we can’t see in ourselves. The things that drive other people up walls. But what does that come from? Some would argue self loathing, others insecurity. I think it all stems from the basic scientific idea of “opposites attract, similar things repel” When we meet someone very similar to us, we are often intrigued by them, and irritated by them at the same time. Because our similarities just aren’t compatible. One of my best friends and I share so much, but our basic differences are what make our similarities compatible. It’s frustrating to see in other people, because you wish you could express to that person that they’re being such a hypocrite. But humanity is something we must live with.

You know, I think we’d all like to think that we live in a beautiful world. That when we look at the sun or the stars or the birds or the grass, that there is some scrap of goodness left in humanity. I believe there is, but sometimes I feel hopeless. I look at the people around me, I look at the TV, I look at my friends, my family and myself and just realize that we aren’t good enough. That’s something I have to think over.

And I could spend forever in your eyes,
I could spend forever here tonight,
and even if you never cared for me,
I will cherish every memory,
and though i know it’s kind of bittersweet,
sometimes we have to accept defeat,
then ensues the peace like falling snow,
take a deep breath in and let it go,
I am free

I don’t know, those words just stuck out to me. Even if you never cared for me, I will cherish every memory. It’s beautiful. It’s sad. And it’s true.

I was talking to a friend of mine today during gym class. He was talking about paranoia, and I kind of realized the basis of many of my fears. Fears that are based on, not reality, but the possibility of things. We’re not afraid of the dark because there are things (for sure) there, we’re afraid because there might be something there. We’re afraid of the ocean, not because it’s certain we’re going to be attacked by a shark, but because there might be things swimming around us. And the list goes on, the fear of things that might exist.

I’ve been listening to this song over and over:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness. 

I love that line. I’m kinda falling in love with that type of line.

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.

Hmmm… how many people are there who are just “somebody that you used to know”? People you see but don’t talk to, people you know so much about but don’t know any more.

I went to the doctor for the 3rd time in the past couple months today. I’ve just had this nasty cough for a really long time and I just don’t know why. Mreh, I’m just ready to feel OK again. I don’t need to feel good. Just OK.

I’m tired. I got home today and the children are all screaming. It just makes me want to cry. I’m an extroverted people-person. But too much noise is just too much.

Disappointment. We live with it.

This is the point of the blog when everything becomes less connected and more concise.

Boys, they make life really weird.

Random Fact of the Day- Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.

Mission of the Day- Figure out what you’re afraid of and why. Then tell me. I love getting comments.


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