“If someone could see you in your most vulnerable state they would love you.”
A dear friend of mine wrote this on her blog last night and it got me thinking. It’s funny and it’s weird, but the people we fall in love with are the people we often think we never could fall in love with. We’re comfortable around them, we trust them, we let them see parts of us that the rest of the world doesn’t see. We share our secrets and our pains. We are most vulnerable with them.
If people could see us when we were most vulnerable then wouldn’t they love us? When you sing loudly at home alone, or cry during a Disney movie, or dance in the rain, or eating cookie dough, or vacuuming, or reading your favorite book. The things we do when we are alone often reveal more about who we are and what we value than what we do when we are with others.
There is something beautiful about knowing someone’s fears. It makes them so much more human. Knowing someone’s fears brings you closer to them. You can understand them, and understand why people do what they do. Knowing someone’s pains makes them vulnerable, and there is something incredibly seductive and dangerous about vulnerability. Being vulnerable sets you up for failure. What if that person can’t handle the truth? What if they tell someone? What if they laugh at you? They’re questions we all ask ourselves, consequences we weigh before we choose to be vulnerable with someone.
I think that there is great value in choosing to be vulnerable. I read a great college essay about being tomatoes. As humans we are all born as tomatoes. We are easily bruised and changed by the world around us. But as we grow up we are injured, scarred and irreversibly altered by people, places and circumstances. So we begin to put on protective layers. We shield ourselves from pain and heart break to the point where we have so many layers that you can’t even tell that we’re tomatoes anymore. We become onions. And there are tons of different kinds of onions. There are bitter onions, who have put on thier layers and have become angry, hateful and bitter toward the rest of the world. There are sweet onions who have built walls to protect themselves because life has been hard, but they help other people because they care. They aren’t willing to be vulnerable themselves, but they protect others. And there are hollow onions, those who have rotated away from the inside because in an attempt to protect themselves they have locked away self destructive secrets and pains away inside of themselves. There are those who remain tomatoes, either by choice or by force of habit. There are those who don’t know how to protect themselves, and they are the ones who get crushed in their adolescent years. And then there are those who choose to remain tomatoes. They know and understand the pain of vulnerability, but risk it for the end gain. Truthfully I don’t know what the end gain is, but I believe that it must be worth it.
I need to go to bed right now or I’ll be the most unpleasant person tomorrow.
Random fact of the day- The narrator from the Princess Bride has a glass eye.
Mission of the day- Wink at someone or something.