Day 359

Here I am… Six days from the end…

He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world, no one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again.”

As I watches Doctor Who this evening, this quote struck me. It’s so easy to create happiness when you are happy or to paint misery, but creating beauty out of the pain is the incredible thing about humans. But even more than that, the darkness of our pain contrasts the beauty of our joy in a way that only makes the joy all that more valuable.

I have a lot on my mind, and none of it makes sense. I was at the doctor’s office today and my doctor asked me how I was handling things with my mom and I just cried. My little sister is getting better at the piano than I am, and it makes me feel horrible. I’m tired and not feeling well. I’m lonely. I’m frustrated about a boy. I’m missing my dear friend Gretchen. I’m realizing that my best friend is no longer the person I call my best friend. I’m watching my sister grow up. I’m doing calculus homework. I’m noticing that my nail polish doesn’t stay on when I’m stressed, hence why I have to repaint my nails every night.

I’m realizing how great my life is, but how poorly I feel about it. I’m an incredibly blessed human being with great parents, a great situation, living in a privileged country. But I still feel so unhappy. I think that its just the fact that its so much at once. I feel like things all started going wrong at once. And that is when my grip on reality starts to slip.

I’m beyond happy with my life. But at the moment, stuff is hard. I’m just trying to make it all make sense.

Random Fact of the Day- Vincent Van Gough was 37 when he died.

Mission of the Day- Enjoy a piece of art. Whatever kind of art makes you happy.

Love you!

Abby

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