I think that there are times where we feel more alive than others. Our state of being alive doesn’t change (until we die) but we have highs and lows of existence. And I have something pretty terrible to admit.
Some of the times I feel most alive are when my heart is breaking. It’s not a good sense of being alive, but I’m very much aware of my humanity and the fact that I’m alive. I think that pain has a way of letting us know that We’re alive. You can almost feel your humanity aching in your bones.
But those aren’t the only times when I feel alive. When I’m falling in like (because falling in love is cliche and scary) or sitting in the sunshine or drinking tea and listening to Ben Rector. I feel alive and I feel beauty in that life.
Sometimes, I think we hold on to heartbreak and stress just to feel alive. We have a death grip on our problems because We’re afraid that if we solve them we won’t know what to do with ourselves. I know that I’m guilty of that.
So I’m setting a goal for myself. I want to be a happy person. I want to be that free spirit and that interesting girl. I want to be Alaska and I want to be Margo Roth Spiegelman. So, I’m moving on.
I’ve spent a lot of time stressing over a certain boy over the past couple of months and a different boy over the past couple years. I’ve been Freaking out about college. I’ve been reading sad books and crying into my tea. I need to get some more sleep and I need to breathe more. So I’m going to try doing that. Sure, there is healthy stress and I do need to be thinking about college and such, but I need to do that in a healthy way. So that’s what I’m going to do.
Question of the Day- when do you feel most alive?
Mission of the Day- hug a mannequine. Just do it.