Fitting in. 190 to go…

The biggest question I am faced with from day to day is Who am I, and what the heck am I doing with my life? Everybody is asking. Being a senior means that everyone wants to know what I’m doing next year and where I’m going and what I’m studying. Honestly, I don’t know yet. Ask me on May 2nd. That’s when I’ll have an answer.

But I have started to slowly understand who I am. I had a really fun childhood. I got to see lots of places and hang out with lots of siblings, but my family did move a lot. I was often teased in school for being the weird girl. I read a lot, I talked a lot, I was chubby, I was awkward and I had beaver teeth. I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this yet, but I’m pretty sensitive. Being bullied was really hard on me, so I spent a lot of time trying to be normal and fit in.

I’ve spent years trying to appear like everyone else and I’ve begun to understand who I am more clearly over the past several years. It occurred to me, one day, that acting like everyone else was not making me happy. I’ve started to embrace the things that make me who I am.

I’ve begun to keep a journal again. I’ve stopped using shampoo completely and replaced it with baking soda. I’ve started to listen to more eclectic styles of music. I’ve been baking more. I’ve been taking notes on books I’m reading for pleasure. I’ve been thrift shopping. I’ve been taking more pictures. I’ve become better friends with people outside of my age range. I’ve been reading poetry. I’ve made my own laundry detergent.

These are all silly little things, but when you’re trying to be normal they’re the kind of things you can’t do. These are my weirdo traits. I’m actually quite proud of them.

Love you!



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