The People’s Climate March. 38 to go…

If you know me at all, you know that I’m a crazy, dirty, hippie-dippie tree hugger. Well, a couple weekends ago I had the amazing experience of going to the People’s Climate March held in New York City. There were over 400,000 people there marching to see action taken about how we deal with climate change. It was easily one of the most beautiful, encouraging, and life changing things I’ve ever done.

I went on this trip with three of my dear friends, Sarah, Evan, and Grace. It started with a crazy six hour car ride filled with FIDLAR, Pat The Bunny, and Lana Del Rey. We arrived at the church we were staying at and met our amazing hosts Dan and Stephanie, dropped our stuff and went for a stroll around Central Park and then caught the metro to Chinatown to get the most amazing sesame pancakes I’ve ever had at a place called Prosperity Dumpling. We then came back to the church and passed out on the floor.

We woke up bright and early the next morning to get our stuff together and hop on the metro to get to our spot in the march. I was super excited to be going to the march, but I didn’t realize what an impact it was going to have on me. I saw someone carrying a sign that said “I’m marching for a better world” and that was the first time I cried that day.

10488005_840455185973914_4075154972056020718_nI had the amazing opportunity to march with the Lady Liberty puppet from Occupy Wall Street and built by The People’s Puppets.

So much of the day was filled with tears. At one point people began singing “we’ve got the whole world in our hands,” and later people began chanting “I BELIEVE THAT EARTH WILL WIN” and after that “WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE, A BETTER WORLD IS POSSIBLE” and I just cried through so much of it. I honestly didn’t know how else to express all the things I was feeling.

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This little girl holding this sign made me sob like an idiot

10689790_10153176254324972_8742835347751337068_nI took about a million pictures throughout the course of the day, but this is one of my favorites. The signs we saw were all so inspiring.

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Peacin’ with Lady Liberty herself

I was so overwhelmed by all of the people who were so determined to see our world changed. People who believe that protecting our planet is worth it. There is change coming and we are the people to make it happen. There were so many beautiful people there who cared about so many beautiful things.

I wish I knew better how to write about how beautiful it was. How to express how inspired I am to change our planet for the better and to continue speaking out about the importance of protecting the planet that sustains us.

I love you!

Abby

A changed me. 41 to go…

One of my favorite things about my college is all of the random and encouraging graffiti around. One of my favorite places on campus is the third floor bathroom in the library because it’s always full of honest and encouraging things written all over the walls. Well I was in there for the first time since last semester and I came across this map on the wall. 10625148_10153110326829972_2636383318552121710_n

This all began as a part of a question in the top left side of the picture “what are you guilty of?” I remembered seeing this last year and as I read the various comments surrounding it I recognized my own handwriting. “Not telling you how I feel.” As I stared at these words that past-Abby had written I was taken back to the moment when I wrote this in April and how I felt. I remembered the stupid and beautiful things he made me write. I remember thinking that I loved him and thinking that the physical pain of him not noticing would kill me. It all came flooding back and honestly it shocked me.

Those feelings suddenly feel so foreign to me. They feel so far away and sad to me. They feel like something from a dream, a sad dream. Part of me wonders if it’s because I’m in a happy and fulfilling relationship that I don’t feel like this anymore, but the rest of me knows that it’s because I’ve changed.

I’m not the same person I was when I wrote that back in April. I’m not the same girl who pined after him for months.

I’ve grown a lot and learned so much over these past couple months. I’ve become more confident in myself, I know what I want, I’ve learned how to say what I want, I’ve learned how to rest, I’ve become more OK with being me.

It has occurred to me as I’m writing this that I’ve written things like this before, and then I realized that this isn’t going to be a one time thing in my life. I’m going to continue to learn and grow and experience and become more of the person I want to be.

I was in a conversation with the person I’m with about being an awkward middle-schooler and about how much I’ve changed even since graduating high school and he told me he’s definitely noticed a difference in me since the end of high school. I’ve definitely noticed a difference in me to, and I think it’s come from living on my own, making better friends, learning from my mistakes, becoming more confident, and making my own decisions. I’ve changed in so many ways and I like this version of me so much better than every previous version, but I know there is still change to come.

So this is just something I’ve been thinking about a lot and that was really brought to the front of my mind by seeing this little note from past me.

Question of the Day – What are you guilty of? How have you changed?

Love you!

Abby

On Leaving. 102 to go…

Tonight was my last night of work before college. It’s funny, but it made me sad to leave. I have really great coworkers who I love and will really miss. I’m blessed to have coworkers who make saying goodbye so hard. One of the girls made me cry.

Leaving places is so hard. I stood up in the lobby and just thought about all of the fun I’ve had. All the people I’ve met and all the things I’ve learned. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ll be back there on breaks and over the summer, but leaving changes things.

I think it’s number 9 on the List of Things I Believe: you’re never the same person twice. Every choice you make, every thing you do, every person you meet changes you. You will never get to be the person that you are at this moment ever again. That’s what makes leaving so hard.

It’s never going to be the same. Relationships change. People change. Places change. Routines change. Things cannot be the same when you leave a place and then come back. And that’s scary.

What if you’re replaced? What if you no longer fit in? What if you don’t get the inside jokes? What if no one likes you anymore?

Those are all possibilities. And that scares us. It scares me.

I’m afraid that when I come home for breaks that I won’t fit in with my family any more. I’m afraid that my friends will have changed too much for us to get along. I’m afraid that I won’t have a place any more

But that’s what life is. Life is growing up and changing and becoming who you were meant to be. We need to change. There’s no way around it. And never leaving and just watching other people change is no better.

So I hate leaving, but it’s going to be good. I just know it.

Love you!!

Abby

2 months since, 10 days until. 107 to go…

Today marks two months since graduation… what the heck have I done with the past two months? Haiti, work, friends, family. That’s about it. But it’s been great. I feel like so much has changed in the past two months. I’ve grown, I’ve changed, I’ve made friends. The usual. But there is so much that has yet to change.

In ten days I will be moving into my very own dorm room. I’ll be living on my own, making my own decisions (mostly) and meeting all sorts of new people.

I can’t wait.

I’m ready for the change, but I’m also going to miss what’s going on here. I’ve spent a lot of time building into the relationships that I have now because I don’t want to let them fade. It will be weird to not have these people around.

A lot has happened over the past week but I’ve spent so many nights watching Bones with my brother that I haven’t had time to blog. Sorry that I’m the worst.

Love you!

Abby

Last high school fall choral concert. 317 to go…

I delivered my last high school fall choral concert tonight, and I have to admit that I teared up a little at the end.

It may not sound like a big deal, but you have to understand that it was my fourth year standing in that auditorium and singing a fall concert. I have done this since ling before ninth grade, but all throughout my high school career.

It made me painfully aware of how quickly my world is changing. I’m not a clueless freshman any more, I’m not in the lower, non-auditioned choir. I’ve grown a ton.

I’m not afraid of the change. In fact, I’m ready for it. I’m afraid of making the wrong choice. I’m afraid of doing the wrong thing, or pursuing the wrong dream.

I wish the path was clear, but that’s the whole problem: there are lots of paths, and more than one could be the right path.

Question of the Day- Things you’ve always wondered about girls? (per request)

Mission of the Day- pick a common word and demand that someone has been saying it wrong. Just change it slightly and see if they fall for it.

Love you!

Abby

Day 365!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I be really honest right now? I didn’t think I would ever make it this far. Sure, blogging for 365 days sounds like a great idea, but it is hard work my friends. Hard. Work. (obviously, it took me two years to do it.)

Isn’t that crazy? Two years have gone by. That is so much time. So much change. So much learning. And get it has been a blur. One big, noisy, colorful, crazy, beautiful blur.

I don’t really know what to say in this post… This is so beyond weird to me. I guess I’ll talk about change.

I have changed a lot over the past two years. At the beginning of this I was a silly fifteen year old girl who thought too much, believed chemistry would kill her, was unsure of her purpose, was confused by boys, listened to too much music, got in trouble and spent way too much time thinking about a boy with pretty blue eyes who wasn’t worth her time* And now I’m a silly seventeen year old girl who thinks too much, calls herself the Dancing Queen, believes calculus might kill her, is unsure of her purpose in this world, is confused by boys, listens to too much music, gets in trouble and spends WAY too much time worrying about Charming boys who aren’t worth her time** So I guess, I really haven’t changed that much on the outside.

*Side note- I’d like to thank this boy with the blue eyes. He has been a great friend to me over the past four years and has made me think about life and morals a ton. Also, he’s taught me a lot about who I am and what I value. He’s always been there to answer questions about Guys, Life and Stuff, but even more than he answered questions he made me answer my own questions (jerk.) He has also supported me in this crazy endeavor. Obviously how blue eyes (pretty as they are) don’t make me swoon anymore, and when I say he wasn’t worth my time, I mean that my romantic emotional energy was misplaced (hind sight is 20:20) I’m so incredibly grateful for him and his friendship.*

**Second side note- when I say that this Charming boy isn’t worth my time, I mean that one.**

My hair is curly, I’m a little taller, my eyes are greener, my face is clearer, and my legs are longer but the person I say I am hasn’t changed much. But a lot of what drives me has changed. My faith is different, maybe not stronger by some standards, but more weathered and matured. My sense of purpose on this earth has gone from “I have no idea!” to “It is there, finding it is the question.” My knowledge of love is deeper; real, true, sacrificing love. My understanding of friendship and what it means to be a friend is stronger than ever.

I’ve read books that have changed my life, met people who have shaken my world, listened to music that has shaped my thoughts and thought harder than I ever have before.

I know that in two years I’ll look back on this as my nineteen year old self and say “seventeen year old Abby was such a pretentious child!” But why should that discourage me from thinking now?

The way I see it, I’m the oldest and wisest that I’ve ever been in my life at this very moment. And who knows, maybe I’ll get hit by a bus and never get any older or I’ll go off the deep end and never get any wiser. So, I’m going to create and explore and share my crazy thoughts until one of those two things happens, even if I am a pretentious child.

I’m not sure what comes after this. I’m not going to give up writing, It’s the most productive thing I do. But I have a pretty good idea for the next couple of months while I’m in this weird phase of my life.

I want to thank you, I don’t write this for the sake of people reading it, but the fact that so many people choose to read it anyway takes my breath away. I’m so thankful and so blessed. These past two years and 365 posts have been quite the adventure and I’m glad to have had you along for the ride. And my hope is that maybe my silly thoughts have helped you or made you think in some way, even if its learning from my mistakes or stupidity.

Random Fact of the Day- Ancient Egyptians first created the 365 day calendar which was made up of twelve months split into 30 days each with five extra days at the end of the year. The months were divided into three ten day weeks.

Mission of the Day- lick the ceiling. Any ceiling.

Love you soooooooooooooo much!

Abby

Day 337

Do you ever feel like the world is ending and you just can’t explain why?

I had a moment like that today. As I was walking through the rain contemplating my life I was so terrified by all the changes and transitions that are ahead of me. And for half of a second I felt powerless, helpless and hopeless about the direction of my life. I just felt, in that moment, that there was nothing productive I could do about how my life is changing.

Then I had a thought. So, if everyday was written out before we were even conceived then We’re doing what was intended. I don’t know… I have to give it a little more thought.

Gosh, I’m tired.

I was watching “This Means War” with Gretchen and Jen today and I realized something about relationships. In almost all relationships there is a “Pudge” and there is an “Alaska” (if you haven’t read Looking For Alaska this will make no sense to you, so go read it.) So the movie is about this girl trying to choose between two very attractive guys who like her. One is nice, sensitive, British (always go for the guy with the accent,) and fun. The other is exciting, wild, a party man and cocky. The first guy is Pudge and the second guy is Alaska. I realized to myself that the situation this girl is in would be fundamentally easier if she was aware of the fact that she was Alaska and she needed Pudge to complete her. And then I realized that it is vastly more complex than that…

But I’m tired and I can’t write at the moment, so I’ll elaborate tomorrow.

Random Fact of the Day- India is the world’s largest importer of weapons.

Mission of the Day- Are you Alaska or Pudge. If you haven’t read the book then do it right now. NOW!

Love you!

Abby