I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while and now seems as good a time as any to do it.
During both my freshman and sophomore year I helped plan an event called the Confidence Conference. It is a conference run by teenage girls for teenage girls on the issues of Godly confidence and such. The idea was conceived by my friend Autumn Joy in 2009 and through the help of a creative team this vision was realized in early 2010. I assisted in the planning the first year and put in a lot of work. But the second year we did it was extra special. I handled most fundraising opportunities and a lot of the expenses. The ideas were more original, the speaker was someone I had suggested (my mom’s college room mate to be exact,) and I taught a break out session. I took a lot of ownership in the process of the Confidence Conference and it was deeply important to me. We didn’t do a conference in 2012 for several reasons. Our youth pastor asked us not to do another one. So, when I was approached last spring about doing the conference at a different church, I said no.
It was a hard decision, but I got to participate in some really incredible opportunities because of it. But as the conference approached this year, I felt my bitterness growing. I heard two girls talking about it on the radio. Girls who hadn’t even been involved the first few years. I had done that job the year before. A letter was written to a couple of the planning committee from a very distinguished author. I just felt like my work had been in vain. That these girls who hadn’t put two years of their life into this were getting the credit for all of my blood, sweat and tears. I was even harboring bitterness against several of my friends who had continued on with the project even though we were asked not to.
I didn’t want to go, but I decided to go and I’m so glad that I did. I was deeply touched by the worship and the teaching and the time there. God reminded me that I was being ridiculous. I had not put that time into the conference for my glory, but for his. I was too busy being selfish to see what God was trying to do through me and the girls who planned the conference.
I was humbled and broken and so touched. My greed, selfishness and bitterness were holding me back, but God truly showed up.