Well I’ve spent a good amount of time telling you about all the wonderful things I’ve been doing. And although that’s interesting I’m sure, my thoughts are what need to be discussed.
You know how sometimes you just know things are going to be ok? I’ve been so stressed, and so concerned about life, and so caught up in little things, and so sick, and so bitter. And I’ve kinda been dwelling in that, because sometimes you just need to feel that and be ok with it. But I’ve been trying to step back in my life. I can’t control everything, I can’t handle all of life’s problems, I can’t take on all my drama. It’s just not my place. So I’m stepping back. Because we live in a world of circles. We put things in boxes: I live in this house, which is in this city, in this state, in this country, on this earth, in this galaxy, and so on. Above all of those circles, even above the biggest one we can imagine, is God.
Thinking about drama. I was reading my old facebook posts. And I mean OLD. Like, 8th grade old. And man, I must have thought my life was the hardest thing. In someways it was. My life at that point was the hardest thing I had faced to that point in my life. (slightly repetitive, but you know what I mean) I would say stupid things like “I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be. I’m just hiding behind this mask that is me” (wow… what a freaking drama queen) It was true. I was a faker, I had no real substance. I was a hurting middle school girl. If you don’t know about my 7th/8th grade years then ask me sometime. It’s quite a story. A sad one, but it puts me in a good bit of perspective.
Let’s just say I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I should have been. So instead of taking that deep hurt, and those deep issues, and dark secrets to God, I “handled” them myself. I look back and realize that I would be in such a different place right now if I had known that my life would work out in the end. I was convinced that moving to where I live now would be the worst thing ever. And I took that out on a lot of people. But I think that the ways in which I had to suffer really have helped me be a light to others. I wouldn’t want to go through them again. But I don’t regret where I am right now.
Sorry. That was a lot of random thoughts, that all connect in my mind.
I got to see my fabulous “older” friends at Country Meadows tonight. Mike, Alex, Erin, Meesh and I went to sing for them after not being there in months. It was truly beautiful, and I was so touched that they remembered us (keep in mind, they’re 89 and have Alzheimers.)
Random Fact of the Day- Almonds contain small amounts of Arsenic. But you have to eat a crazy amount to feel the affects.
Mission of the Day- Lie down on a couch dramatically, throw your hand over you face, sigh and exclaim: What ever SHALL I do?!? (all in an english accent, quite over the top)