The best weekend. 81 to go…

It’s funny that the last post was about making everyday the best days of my life because last weekend was one of the best weekends of my whole life.

So, if you’ve been following me at all or if you know me in real life you know about The Golden Key and about Beautiful Feet. (read about the Golden Key here and about Beautiful Feet here or check out my tag drama) Beautiful Feet was the ministry that really shaped me in high school. It was the thing that gave me the opportunity to act and laugh and create and write and make the most amazing friends I could have ever asked for. So it has been one year since the end of The Golden Key and this weekend was the performance of this year’s dinner and a show through the same ministry. This is the first performance that I was not in and so many of my dear friends were in the show that I knew I had to come home. I told my parents that coming home for this weekend was more important to me than coming home for Thanksgiving. I meant it.


The cast of The Golden Key 2012 ❤

So Friday at noon I left my school and drove the five hours it takes to get home so that  I could be home in time for the football game on Friday. I got to see all of my lovely friends who are in marching band as well as my beautiful best friends Rachel and Nicole. At one point I was talking to someone when I suddenly hear someone scream my name, I turn around and see Meesh running at me at a full sprint. Naturally I shriek like a little girl, throw my stuff on the floor and then we dramatically hugged. I have never felt that happy to hug someone in my life. Being away from her for the past three months has been like missing a limb. So we cried and hugged for a long time. I got to see Mr. Miller, who was one of my all time favorite teachers, my beautiful friend Erin, my dear dear friend David and so many other people who I had been missing. After the game I went to Friendly’s with Rachel and Nicole and we laughed and laughed and had a marvelous time. We took ugly snapchats, talked about our lives and just caught up.

I got home that night, watched an episode of Doctor Who with Jonathan and then promptly passed out on the couch.

The next morning I went and picked up my lovely friend Meera and we went to my favorite coffee shop in the whole-est widest world, Folklore. We talked about life and choir and college. It was so marvelous to just be with her and talk about life. We drove home and sang Rosanna and then stopped by my friend Jacob’s house. After dropping Meera off I went home and hung out with my lovely parents and that was marvelous. (don’t tell them that I told you, but I’ve missed them a TON.)  My lovely friends Bethany and Sharon then came over for a little while and I took them to Giant with me to pick up Jonathan.

I drove to Sharon’s house to drop her and Bethany off when suddenly my friend Chris pulls into Sharon’s front yard and him, Becca and Zach all come running out of the car and I’m enveloped in the biggest Abby-burrito of my life (in case you don’t know, when you have two friends you say to them “Hey ____ what did you have for lunch today?” and one of them responds “A ______ burrito!!!” and then three of you hug this fourth person at once. The same thing can be done with one other friend and that’s called a ____ sandwich. It’s a big thing that my friends do.) I was so overwhelmed with joy from just seeing these people. So we caught up and hugged and just spent a couple minutes of unadulterated happiness together. I ran over to the church and saw my old director and wonderful friend Elya.

I went out to Starbucks with my beautiful friend Megan and then met Meesh over at the church for dinner with our lovely friends Colton and Josiah who were both in The Golden Key with us. We had marvelous food and caught up. I saw so many of my favorite people at the dinner and gave so many hugs. We then went over to the auditorium to watch the show. Meesh and I sat in the front row.

The show was absolutely amazing. I laughed, I cried, I cried. I cried a lot. Like, ugly sobbed. I was just so proud of the cast and of the directors and of all the amazing work that was done. I was really moved by the message of Ever After which was that God, the story teller, has written himself into our lives and never forgets about us or leaves us alone. I just kept crying and hugging people. After the show, Meesh and I went back stage and talked to Elya for a long time and just laughed about all the silly things that they did and all the things that we know we would have done. After that about twenty of us went to the Cocoa Diner, which is the only place in my hometown that’s open past midnight. Meesh and I drove there and sang Call Me Maybe loudly the whole way there. We got there and had an amazing time just being with some of the best people I know. It was like everything was right in the whole world. Everyone I love was there: Tabitha, Sharon, Josiah, Paul, John, Becca, Zach, Ally, Kaitlyn, Chris, Sarah, Megan, Bethany, Paxton, Meesh, Elya and so many more.

Meesh and I went over to visit our friend Josh and talked with him and his mom for a long time and that was so wonderful. We drove around, left our friend David a really long voice mail and then I slept over at her house.

I went to church the next morning and it was just fabulous. I’ve forgotten how much I love worship at my church around the people I love and know the best. I went to Panera with my lovely Haiti family and some other friends: Jonathan, David, Ben, Chad, Courtney, Sunah, Erika, Steph, Amanda and Kyle. David finally got to drive my car (he’s been trying to do that for a year now.)

I went home and had a good talk with my parents and did some final packing. I wanted to go help backstage at the matinee performance of Ever After but I kept bursting into tears at random intervals and I just couldn’t do it. I went up to the church and gave everyone my last hugs and then left. My lovely friend Zach left half of his painted on beard on my face and I drove the whole way home with it there and forgot about it. Becca also left a lovely lipstick mark on my other cheek. It made me really sad to have to wash them off.

I’m really glad that this was the first time I went home because I had no idea how homesick I was. I filled my hug bucket to the top with the hugs I love the most, I had some beautiful conversations with the people who know me best, I just laughed and existed and was happier than I’ve been in ages. I was reminded of how loved I am. That there are people who know me better than anyone else in the whole world and that they still love me.

I love you all so much and can hardly wait for Thanksgiving. I’ll be counting down the days ❤

Love you!



Saying goodbye to Drama. 140 to go…

Tonight was probably one of the best nights of my whole life.

Over the past four years, I have had the distinct pleasure of being a part of Beautiful Feet Ministries, or as we called it Drama Team. Being a part of Drama has meant so much to me over the years. It has given me confidence, taught me how to embrace myself, taught me how to put myself out there, made me laugh and made me cry. The best friends that I have made have been through Drama. I cannot imagine doing these last four years without them.

Tonight we had our Drama Team party to wrap up the end of the year. We laughed, we talked, we Hung out. Then, we watched our recording of The Golden Key, which I was in this fall. That was wonderful. I laughed so hard through the whole thing. We quoted our favorite lines along with the video and we laughed about the silly things that we messed up.

After watching that we did senior awards/recognition. This year, Meesh, AZ and I were the three seniors. Those girls are my two best friends and We’re the first group to go through all four years. So that was emotional. Some of our boys did their impressions of us and then presented us with awards (mine was most likely to play every character in a play,) a Barbie doll (mine was Rapunzell from Tangled,) and a pair of sweat pants signed by everyone. It was seriously so touching. Then some people talked a little bit (which hasn’t made me cry yet, but It’s coming,) and that was so sweet. I felt so loved and like all of this hard work has had an impact.

I’ve been blessed beyond measure to be involved with Drama. I can’t thank every one enough. I have learned and grown and laughed so much more than I could ever say. I have loved every moment and I can never express how much it has meant to me.

I am the person that I am because of Drama and the friends I’ve made because if it.

Love you!


The Fifth. 153 to go…

Tonight was the last night of The Fifth, a six week drama series that we did in my youth group that was my graduation project.

I want to write one hundred things but I can’t put any of them into words.

This project has taught me so much. It has taught me how much harder I need to work than I think I need. It has taught me the importance of communication. It has taught me about who I am.

The whole theme of this project was identity and about the different things that people find their identities in. I’ve begun go understand the ways in which I hide from my identity and the ways I try to identify myself.

I played a loud and humorous character who has virtually no depth and yet I learned so much from her. I’ve come to see how much I hide behind jokes and snarky comments and my loud laugh. You don’t see it here, because this is where I’m able to be 100% honest, but in real life I sometimes struggle to show who I really am. I am so full of insecurity and fear that I just cover up who I am for fear of people not liking who I am.

To my cast:
Bethany– You are so quick to work with me and be flexible and I am so blessed by the beautiful friend you are.
Josiah– You have put up with every ridiculous request and have encouraged me in so many ways.
Noel- You put your heart into everything and, gurl, you can rap!
Kaitlynn- You are such a touch of Sunshine and you’re beautiful.
Ally- You are as cool as they come and you brighten every moment.
Kayla- You are so creative and wonderful.
Becca- You are my amazing “daughter” I am so glad for every moment I have gotten to share with you. You are such a beautiful young woman and I’m deeply blessed by your friendship.
Josh- We tease you because we care. I love you man. You are kind, respectful and hilarious. Please wonderful forever.
Anna- You are a constant encouragement and I’m so glad to have a friend like you through everything.
Zach- There are no words. Absolutely none. I adore you and think that you’re hilarious.
Meesh- You have been with me through every step to help me make decisions and write. I love you.

To my mentors:
David- You have been so great and flexible and enourging. I’m wo grateful for everything you did.
Elya– You have been supportive through every endeavor and you have given me incredible guidance and insight into drama and life. I couldn’t have done this without you.

Love you!


My drama friends. 179 to go…

There are people in my life who make me happier than anyone else. Most of them are my friends from drama. People who make me laugh and who laugh at me. I seriously love them so much. They’re the kind of friends that I will tell stories about forever.

Meesh is sleeping over tonight because she got locked out of her house. So fun!

Love you!


Body temple thing. 217 to go…

So, for my senior project I am writing, directing and acting in a series of skits. The production is called The Fifth and I’ve spent so much time thinking about it that it is nuts. My dear friend Elya and I meet every Tuesday to throw around ideas and go through this book We’ve been reading. Today we read through Ephesians to come up with an out line for The Fifth, and I was struck by a couple of things.

God created our bodies to be a temple. A temple that He lives in and that he uses to further his kingdom. That kind of makes you rethink your body doesn’t it? I start to think about all the hate I have towards my body and the number of times I have blamed God for shaping me the way he did. I’m so quick to find fault. But God didn’t just create my body as a temple, but everybody else’s as well. Think about that the next time you objectify a woman’s body or call someone fat or ugly. You are disrespecting the house and creation of God. And that’s kind of a big deal.

Thoughts for the day.

Random Fact of the Day- flossing once a day can increase your life span by up to ten years… Madness.

Love you!


As it ends. 307 to go…

I’m sooo tired, but I need to write today.

I’ve had an incredibly emotional day. The play ended yesterday and I’m just living in a state of shock now that It’s over. You have to understand, this drama team is my thing. Something that has been incredibly influencial in my life. A place where I’m home and a place where I’m safe. I’ve spent countless hours over the past four years with that group. The contents of the group has shifted through the years, but the meaning has not. But this last production has been something unique. For the first time, I’m not on the bottom of the food chain. In fact, I’m almost at the top. I’m a senior. And that’s a little crazy. But I’ve formed bonds with these people unlike anything I can describe. I can’t remember the last time I cared for a group of people this much (that’s a lie, but It’s been a long time.) I’ve been so touched by each and every person there.

Now, We’re at the end. I feel as though I’ve lost something. I’ve lost that time with those people, those opportunities to be with them, the anticipation of the dark behind stage, the ridiculous amounts of lip stick, the pizza, the “EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!!!” moments. But more than that, I’ve lost the person that I got to be. Number five on the List of Things I Believe is “everything in our lives changes us” and number fourteen is “you are never the same person twice” and I believe that.

I’ve been so full of emotions that I can’t explain. Today I sat in my car and cried while listening to “Call Me Maybe…” I’m straight up losing it. I tried to explain to my parents why I was so upset and it mostly came out like this: “I just… I’m… Gah… *sob* I’M UPSET!!” I couldn’t even put words to it. And the problem is, I don’t even understand it myself. I think I need more sleep.

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking but, unfortunately, none of it makes sense. Thoughts on this boy, thoughts on Doctor Who, thoughts on politics, thoughts on college *shudder* thoughts on parents, thoughts on being a senior and growing up. So many thoughts and so many feels…

Random Fact of the Day- emus cannot walk backwards.

Mission of the Day- Create a dance move called The Backward Emu. Show it to me ay some point.

Question of the Day- What’s on your mind recently?

Love you!


Day 273

Do you know what I hate? Melodrama. Do you know what’s ridiculous about that? I’m pretty dramatic.

Reading my book of thoughts from a couple days ago to try and remember what I did that day and it went something like this “oh, why doesn’t he like me? I’ll be alone forever. My parent hate me. Even my cat hates me. Woe is me. My life’s the worst… Blah blah blah” you know, average angsty melodramatic teenager stuff. And I just had to roll my eyes at myself. The things I say when my emotions are running my brain. Ridiculous. So I’ve been making an effort to differentiate between emotions and reality. Because it’s not just in my book of thoughts, it’s in my life.

I finished the second Hunger Games book today… Mind blown. Now I have to read Great Gatsby… Nasty.

I wish I could say I had more things on my mind, but I’ve just been trying to get this book done.

Thinking about prom and the crazy importance it holds in the minds of high school girls. But I don’t really want to talk about it.

Random fact of the day- the first smiley was written in 1982

Mission of the day- try to irritate someone who’s asleep.

Love you!