Why change who you are? 88 to go…

Some of my favorite posts that I’ve written have been the ones that are just about what I’ve done with my friends. Those are the ones I love to read. The ones that make me smile the most. So here we go.

Last night we were sitting around, bored and so my friend Lexie decided to look and see if there were any musicians playing in coffee shops around us. So we found one at a coffee shop about twenty minutes from where we were and we drove over there. It ended up being this beautiful little coffee shop that serves their hot chocolate in cat mugs and has delicious biscotti. The musician was a guy playing an acoustic guitar and a girl playing the violin and they harmonized really beautifully. I sat there with a bunch of my friends and listened to this musician and played Bull and drank hot chocolate and laughed. I felt in my element. I felt whole. It felt completely and totally right. I haven’t felt like that in a long time. It reminded me of all the time I spent in Starbucks or Folklore (my all time favorite coffee shop,) with good friends and warm drinks. Those deep conversations and hearty laughs.

After our lovely time at this coffee shop, we ran through a grave yard and just laughed and had a marvelous time. I attempted to explain my Healthy Rebellion theory to my friend Mike, to which he responded “you need to just not give a [crap] about what people think.”

Today, I talked to my beautiful best friend Meesh on the phone for almost three hours. I have been so blessed to have her as a best friend. There are no words for how grateful I am for her. We talked for a long time about how different College is from high school. It was basically a crime to wear sweat pants to school in high school, but in College it just matters so much less. Either that or I just care less.

The thing that’s great about College is that there is so little need to impress people. You get to start over, right? So you can just be you and find the people who like you for You. That is so freeing to know.

I think we start to lose ourselves as we try to impress one another. We become convinced that the little quirks that make us who we are aren’t good enough for other people. That they’re embarrassing. We become convinced that We are not good enough. That we have to somehow enhance ourselves so that we’re right. So we try to be things that we aren’t and we try to hide the things that we are. We lose the weird, exciting, funny, unique things that make us who we are so that we fit into some mold of how we think we should all act.

That makes me so sad. I know I’m quirky. I know I’m kind of weird and awkward and different. But I’m OK with that. I refuse to change to please the crowd. I know that I’m deeply loved. I know that I’m deeply loved by people who know the weirdest things about me and like me anyway. If that’s not freeing, I don’t know what is.

I also got to Skype with my dear friend AZ for a couple hours tonight and that was such a joy. She has been such an important part of my life for the last couple of years and I could not be more thankful for her.

Generally, life is good. Life is big and bright and absolutely beautiful. I can’t see it all the time, but I know that it is.

Love you!

Abby

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128 to go…

Tonight was wonderful. My beautiful friend Rachel and I got sushi and laughed and caught up on our lives in a little diner. It was just fabulous. Then we watched Elizabethtown at Nicole’s house. Seriously my new favorite movie. Then Rachel and I just Hung out and rebelled healthily and enjoyed ourselves.

I’ve come to a point where I’m starting to see who I want to be and I’m OK with it. I just need to be willing to get there.

Love you!

Abby

Teenage Angst. 136 to go…

I watched High School Musical 1 & 2 today. Judge me.

We spent the whole movie laughing at stupid things and swooning over Zach Effron. We were making fun of the overly dramatized teenage angst displayed by the various characters and I realized that I’m experiencing teenage angst.

I’m graduating tomorrow. What? I feel like I need to see and meet and do. I want to do crazy things to let out this angst inside of me. Tonight, we jumped in a creek after dark just for fun because we felt like we needed to do something. That act of doing was so relieving. It was crazy in the moment and we were laughing like idiots but it felt so right.

Sometimes we need to acknowledge our angst. We need to realize It’s there. Treat it, give it something to keep it busy, relieve it. We spend so much time trying to squash our angst and just say that It’s silly and not real, but that’s not true.

We all get angsty and feel like we need to move and go and do. So why don’t we? If We’re not breaking the law and not hurting anyone then what’s the harm in letting off some of the built up angst steam?

Mission of the Day- Go do something.

Question of the Day- What have you always wanted to do when you’re feeling angsty? Leave me a comment!

Love you!

Abby

Healthy Rebellion. 138 to go…

My beautiful friend Gretchen has been here for me through so much and today we did a first.

I’m a strong believer in Healthy Rebellion. I think that It’s good for you and allows for personal expression and experience while still living within the rules.

I’m a pastor’s kid (PK) and I’ve heard every PK joke out there. I know that we are supposed to be sketchy characters who have sex in church parking lots and smoke on the roof. The truth is that Healthy Rebellion could be the savior or PKs everywhere.

Healthy Rebellions allow us to do something we might not normally do and to let our wild side out a little more.

This summer I want to accomplish all sorts of Healthy Rebellion. Let out my inner crazy in a healthy way.

Mission of the Day- Think about your Healthy Rebellions and try to think of some to do soon.

Love you!

Abby

Healthy Rebellion. 329 to go…

From our birth to the day we die, we are taught to be polite and follow the rules. But when people become teenagers they have this crazy need to express their individuality and the negative emotions that they’ve been suppressing their entire lives.

Some kids run away from home, some do drugs, some sleep around, some dye their hair, some drink, some wear eyeliner, some get piercings and some just freak out. I’ve never been the type to do those sorts of things. I dye my hair when I get bored of how it looks, listen to music louder than I should, do donuts in the parking lot, stay out slightly later than I said I would, dance in the rain, wear funky clothing and drink “Naked” (the juice, not the state of being)

These little Healthy Rebellions fulfil that need in me. We all feel the need to be rebellious in some way or another. It’s just a matter of how we express that.

I call them Healthy Rebellions because that’s exactly what they are. Little, healthy ways to release that angsty teenage stuff we’ve got in our heads.

Question of the Day- What are your kind of healthy rebellions?

Random Fact of the Day- Händel’s Messiah was written to raise money to get people out of debtors prison. Thanks to my father for this.

Mission of the Day- pretend to be a disco ball. Whatever that means to you.

Love you!

Abby

Day 322

A lot has happened in the past 24 hours. My mom is home and doing pretty well, I’ve gone to work, taken at least 3 maps, gone back to work and done a lot of thinking.

As I told you yesterday the biggest and most constant thing on my mind right now is Guys. I was attempting to explain to someone a couple of days ago all the things girls do to “impress” boys. And I realized how stupid we look. Whether its flipping the hair, laughing loudly, acting stupid, or acting really smart it never quite achieves the desired effect. That’s my quick thought of the day.

Do you know what is a pain? Charming boys. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times. There are a bunch of posts tagged Charming, and it’s a re-occuring theme because they’re everywhere! My problem lies in my stupid emotional nature. I fall in like easily (because falling in love is cliche and scary) and a charming boy has all the right words. So here is my question: how the heck is an emotional girl supposed to deal with a charming boy? Sure, it’s doable, and it’s been done before, but man, it’s rough.

I’ve been thinking about being a Good Girl. There are kids in this world who are dying to lose their Good Girl status. They hate being pastor’s kids, or innocent, or sober, or smart, or kind or whatever. And the problem with those kids is that in an attempt to be less of a Good Girl they become Bad Kids. (I’ll say right now that Good Girl is not gender specific.) I’ve realized something, very few people set out to become Bad Kids. People set out to be fun, interesting, and accepted. And that’s where the problems start. Because seeking acceptance can do crazy things to the best of kids.

Random Fact of the Day- David Tennant became an actor because he loved Doctor Who.

Mission of the Day- what does the color blue smell like?

Love you!

Abby

Day 314

I spent my afternoon riding my bike and picking raspberries. I’m a strong believer in scraped knees. I know that I’ve had a good day when I come home with dirty feet and scraped knees. It means I went on an Adventure. It means I took a chance. It means I spent time to enjoy the world around me.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all I really want is to dance through fields of flowers in a swishy skirt with long hair that has flowers braided into it. I kinda love this planet, and to me that is what it means to enjoy it. I want to jump in puddles and look at the stars. I just want to be surrounded by the beauty of creation.

Sometimes I find myself trapped under expectations, or goals, or tasks. There is so much that needs to get done that there is no time to simply be. I’m a goer. I want to see things, and talk to people, go places, and do stuff. But I’m so incredibly selfish. I really am. I want to do what I want to do. Not what I need to do, or my parents need me to do, or even what they want me to do. And that is why I start to feel so bogged down by stuff. Because it doesn’t fit what I want to do. And, man, is that a terrible way to look at things. I can be incredibly considerate of other people when it suits me. But in reality I need to be last. So that’s what I need to work on this week. Because at the rate I’m going, someone’s going to get hurt.

I have so many things running around in my head. Thinking about how life is like raspberries, thinking about dating, thinking about Healthy Rebellions, and thinking about growing up.

I got my SAT scores the other day and I was thrilled with what I got. But the more I looked at it the more I realized that it puts me in a category. But those 4 numbers cannot define me, or what I know, or my life experiences, or my sense of humor, or even mu favorite colour. Those 4 numbers weigh so much for knowing so little. And so many things are like that.

I have to work in the morning, so I’m going to bed.

Random fact of the Day- in your life time you will ingest about 80 bugs in your sleep. My dad had never heard that before… Weird.

Mission of the Day- attempt to hold hands with someone who is not expecting it and who you wouldn’t usually engage in hand holding with.

Love you!

Abby