The best summer. 42 to go…

So it’s my last night of summer. Part of me is really excited for school to start again, I’ve been back at school for five days and I’ve really been enjoying that, but part of me is really sad to see this summer end. It’s been an absolutely amazing summer. I made new friends, I went on adventures, I fell in love. It’s been great. It’s the sort of summer I don’t want to end. So I’m going to reminisce.

I had the distinct pleasure of working with four lovely women this summer: Laura, Ashley, Ali, and Keely. I seriously could not have made it through this summer without these girls. They listened to all of my stupid drama, they laughed with me, they helped me up when I fell, and they just did life with me. These girls made work and life so much sweeter.Friends80Ali, Me, Keely, Laura after we all went out for dinner one night.

The highlight of my summer was my week-long mental vacation that I took back in July. I spent some time at two different camps, observing, speaking, sleeping, and relaxing. I was so blessed to spend time with some very dear people and to have some time to just rest and pray and put my life back in order.

20140724_153329This is me and my dear friend Cindy at the beach at the second camp I went to.

I got to spend a good bit of time with my gorgeous best friends this summer. Penelope, Meesh, Rachel, Nicole, Karrisa. I don’t know what I would have done without them to keep me occupied and crazy this summer. I love them all so dearly.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 presetPenelope, Me, and Ben at the Ren Faire dressed as Amy Pond, The Tenth Doctor, and The Eleventh Doctor.20140720_121747Meesh and I being cute as bagels, cause that’s what we do.

My girls Rachel, Karrisa, and Nicole. What would I do without them?

I’m constantly blessed by the family I was put in. It was not always easy this summer, but I know that I can always count on these five people. I love them more than I could ever say.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset
Dad, Me, Jonathan, Daniel, Mom, Kayra. They’re just the best.

Lastly, I fell in love this summer. I fell in love with a boy who makes me laugh, makes me feel special, teaches me knew things, makes me blush, and makes me so incredibly happy. A boy with gorgeous eyes, and strong shoulders who thinks before he speaks and is wickedly talented. A boy who’s hand fits perfectly in mine and who makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. A boy who I could write about endlessly. I’m so thankful for the joy and excitement he has brought into my life.

I really didn’t have high expectations for this summer, in fact I was prepared for it to suck. But it was so full of joy and learning. It’s the sort of summer I want to remember forever. The summer of 19. It was a good one.

Tell me about your summer! What did you do? What were your highlights? I want to know!!

Love you!



Selfies! 74 to go…

I know what you’re thinking, two posts in one week? What’s the world coming to???

So here’s a thing I’ve been thinking about.

I’ll admit that I was a part of that group of people who judged those who took selfies. In a lot of ways, it feels self-serving and narcissistic. It feels like people are flaunting that they are “better” than the person looking at the photo. But I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.

More and more I feel like there is a lot of benefit to selfies. They allow you to capture moments and feelings. They let you remember how you felt and who you were with and what you looked like. They show you where you were in your life and how far you’ve come.

I also love what she has to say about how selfies create body positivity. They throw so many different types of bodies and people into the spotlight of social media so we can see them and appreciate them. They allow us to see the beauty in other people in ways that we may not be able to previously.

My favorite thing that Laci says in this video is:

“Bodies are artfully decorated bags that facilitate your talents and that hold your brain.”

I love this so much because it says that your body serves a purpose and is important but it doesn’t define you. It allows you to do all of the things you love and go places and see things and give hugs and listen to music run marathons and knit scarves and pet cats and swim in oceans and sing songs and have snow ball fights and bake cookies and look at art and pick raspberries and dance and sip tea and read books and climb trees and any number of other wonderful things.

So I’m going to share some of my favorite selfies with you. Ones that have meaning to me and make me smile and take me back to a time in my life that is dear to me.


This is me and my beautiful friend Erin after we spent an amazing week on a missions trip together that changed my life.


Me and Penelope just being ourselves.


Got my face painted by some little kids and then took this super flattering picture with my favorite person on the planet, my brother Jonathan.


Me and Meesh while gutting a house in New Orleans while we were there for Challenge in 2012. This was one of the most influential times in my life where I learned some incredible things about myself and my faith.


Senior year homecoming! Rachel, Me, Meesh and Nicole


Meesh and I have this tradition of bread and cheese whenever we’re driving. It’s a thing we do that I love. Also, we took this picture at a stop light right before it turned green. It never fails to make me smile.


Lunch at the restaurant I work at with AZ and Meesh for Meesh’s 18th birthday. It’s a pretty classy hotel so we took a super classy picture in the bathroom. It’s my favorite.


Me and Meesh during The Golden Key. Most of our time back stage was spent taking fantastic selfies like this one.


This is my whole family. It used to be a Christmas tradition that we would try to get a family picture with all of us in it at once. We were super proud that we were able to take one last Christmas.


This is probably the best picture I took during Graduation. I absolutely love this picture of me and my best friend Rachel because it just sums up the past four years of our friendship.


Me and my gorgeous little sister Kayra at my dinner to celebrate Graduation.


I took this picture during VBS while I was in Haiti this summer and it was one of the most influential times in my life. This is one of those moments that I just constantly wish I could go back to.


Got my first pair of lab goggles and a lab coat that I’m going to be using for the next couple of years. This is getting me on my path to becoming a crazy hippie scientist.


Took this the first time I came home from college. Me and my beautiful boyfriend.


I took this a couple of weeks ago while hanging out with  Grace and Kelly one night. It makes me smile because I think we all look so fabulous.


This was just over Thanksgiving break while I was catching up some of my dear dear friends. I can’t help but laugh when I look at this.


This was also over Thanksgiving break at my favorite diner with my beautiful friends Zach and Meesh. I had such a lovely time that evening. It was probably the best night I had while I was home.


And lastly, I just took this picture last weekend while I was at a play museum with my gorgeous friend Grace (and our new best friend the unicorn.)

So here’s my challenge:

Take more selfies with your friends and your family and your pets. Take selfies in places and at events and of things. Take pictures of moments. And don’t feel guilty for it!

Love you!


Things are looking up. 77 to go…

I am absolutely in love with this song. Seriously. I’ve had it on repeat for 2 days and have already learned the ukulele part and can’t wait to go home and learn how to play it with a friend of mine (hopefully Meera is as excited about this as I am 😉 ) But the version that I love even more is this one:

I don’t know. I just love the harmonies and I love Carrie Hope Fletcher in general (watch her YouTube videos. They’re fantastic.)

My favorite lyrics are just the chorus:

Things are looking up, looking up (hey!)
There’s magic everywhere you go
Strangers stop to say hello (hello, hello, hello)
So turn it up, turn it up (hey!)
As loud as you can make it go
‘Cause love is on the radio

Things really are looking up. I’m going home for Thanksgiving tomorrow and I can hardly wait. I am so ready to be home and see everyone and hug my mom and hang out with Meesh and not wear flip flops in the shower and make eggs and go to work and drive and go to my church and play on my piano and watch Doctor Who with Jonathan. I seriously cannot wait.

But at the same time, I’m going to miss my friends here. I’ve been very blessed to have such incredible friends here. Especially my dear friends Grace, Kelly and Lexie.


Aren’t we just adorable?

I’m seriously so thankful to have made such amazing friends so quickly in my time here. I can’t imagine how lonely college would be without these three by my side. There are some friends in life that you just know were put there to make you a better person and to challenge you and help you grow and I know that’s exactly why God blessed me with such beautiful, kind, hilarious and generally marvelous friends.

11/23/13 Snow with Grace and Kelly!

As it’s beginning to get cold and the skies get grey I know that I can count on them to lift me up and keep me positive. So thanks girls. You always keep me looking up ❤ I love you all!

Love you!


All of the things. 79 to go…

I need to write. I don’t know what I need to write about, but I need to write.

I’m tired. Really tired. And I know this week is going to be living hell. I have so much work to do this week and I just don’t know how I’m going to make it all happen.

I really miss my friends. I really miss my parents. I really miss Jonathan. I really miss Meesh.

Here’s a thing: I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I call my mom when I need advice. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just weird. I needed boy advice and the only person I could think to call was my mom. And it was nice to get her input.

I love my friends here. I really do. I’m so deeply thankful for them. They’re the kind of people who challenge me but also let me be myself. That means a lot to me.

Fact: It’s impossible to be stressed while drinking tea. You have to sit there, breathe in the wonderful smell of it and let it warm up your hands before you drink it slowly and just let your body absorb all of the magic stored in Tea.

I’ve been listening to this over and over. The chords at the very beginning of the song do something really incredible for my Heart.

Also, the girl in this group does this thing where she sings with one side of her mouth and smiles slightly. It’s not something I can really explain, but I find it really gorgeous and incredibly attractive. I wish my face did that when I sang. My face looks more like this when I sing.


These are my gorgeous friends from Cantabile last year after we won an incredible victory. Read about that here

This song. It is the perfect pace to walk to, the words are deeply powerful, the drum part is fantastic, and the chords in the chorus speak to my Soul.

This is a weird post so I’m going to take this time to mention that I’m a lover of the oxford comma. Why doesn’t everyone use it all the time?

I think I’m becoming a feminist. Also, it took me three tries to spell the word feminist.

I’m making adult decisions. Who I’m living with, where I’m living, what I’m studying, who I’m dating, how I spend my time, what the heck I’m doing with my life. It’s weird and I like it, but I’m still not convinced that I’m old enough.

I’m on a kick of playing games from my childhood. Neopets, Howrse and my friend Grace just taught me how to play Pokemon Crystal on my phone. Why did I never play it as a child? Jonathan and I used to watch it in Turkey, but this is crazy fun! Also, I go to a huge nerd school so the easiest way to get weird guys to talk to you is to play Pokemon on a replicator on your smart phone.


(yes, I named my Gastly Farts. I’m six years old. So sue me. Farts is now a level 17. BOOM!)

I’m rereading Looking For Alaska. It felt like the thing to do.

Calculus and Chemistry are going to kill me.

I haven’t done laundry in 4 weeks and I know that the more I put it off the worse it gets. But I just can’t make myself do it.

My back hurts. A lot.

I really wanna be single. Like, for the first time in my life I’m not bitter about being single because for the first time in my life it is on my own account. I’m really just being independent and getting to know people.

Why do people feel like knowing each other for two weeks is a reason to get in a relationship? Sure, everyone’s doing it, that doesn’t make it a good idea.

I always make the phrase “each other” one word the first time I write it and then have to go back in and fix it a minute later. I do it every single time.

Thus far in my life, I haven’t met a Doctor Who fan who I haven’t liked.

I’m in love with this song. I don’t know. I just do. (Do what? That’s not a cohesive sentence.)

I love the idea of being a teenage rebel. I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at pictures of #punkdisney on Tumblr and something about it really… I don’t know… it speaks to me… does that sound dumb? Yes. Those aren’t the words I want to say, but they’re the only words I can think of to express what I mean.


this. Everything about this.

I love Lucky Charms.

I’m going to bed.

I love you!


Remember these nights. 105 to go…

As I’m waiting at the drive-thru at McDonald’s with Forrest and Jonathan at two o’clock this morning, Forrest looks at me and says “You rarely remember the nights when you got enough sleep.”

Honestly, he’s so right. These are the nights I’m going to remember. Nights where I stayed out too late and laughed too hard. These are the nights that will go down in the mini history of my life.

We went over to my friend Penelope’s house to watch a movie and Forrest and Wesley showed up and we watched Aladdin. Gretchen came and joined us for a while. We had a ton of fun singing along and commenting on the movie and telling various characters to “NOW KISS” and reminiscing about our childhoods. Gretchen and Wesley left and so Forrest, Penelope and I all talked about college for a while. We talked about who, out of our friends, is coming home with a boyfriend first. We talked about our colleges and what we’re excited about. We then spent a lot of time watching YouTube videos and making internet references. Then there were many That’s What She Said jokes made and we laughed a lot.

I took Forrest and Jonathan to get cheeseburgers. We sat in the drive thru and laughed about lots of silly things and pushed pretzels through the drive thru window. We made faces at the Lady by the cashier and then we sat in a parking spot and ate and talked. They accidently gave us 20 extra chicken nuggets!

There will always be those friends who are so easy to get along with. Friends who you can always be yourself around. That’s how I feel about my friends. I trust them and know them and will forever remember staying out late and talking and such. These nights are so dear to me.

Love you!


120 to go…

It’s sad when your love life consists of hoping that fictional characters will kiss.

I’ve been trying to not think about boys. I really have. But it is so difficult.

Jonathan and I have been watching Bones on Netflix from the very beginning and watching the blooming romance between Hodgins and Angela is both killing me and making me whole. I love to watch people fall in love. I’m all about it. So I love it. I loved fheod first date and their first kiss and their shared looks. It makes me feel giggly and happy on the inside. At the same time, it makes me feel lonely. Why does nobody look at me like that? Why is it that I’ve been reeking havoc on this planet for eighteen years and I still haven’t gone on a real date with a boy? Am I that weird? Am I that yucky?

Everybody wants a summer romance. “summer love, some thing’s begun…” It seems like everyone has their summer love and I’m just watching Bones with my cat while eating organic potatoes. Don’t get me wrong, u love watching Bones with my cat and eating organic potatoes. But It’s not very satisfying.

Anyway. I’m tired and my back still hurts.

Love you!


129 to go…

“We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love.” Angela Montenegro

My incredible little brother Jonathan and I have started a habit of getting home from work at night and watching several episodes of Bones together. It’s one of my favorite parts of the day. But sometimes Bones leaves me feeling very sad and very lonely.

At the end of the episode we just finished Hodgins gives Angela a rose and they share a look. The camera captured that look perfectly. A knowing smile, a shared moment, a tender look, a flirtatious wink and the giggly fluttering of eyelashes.

Now, I’m as hopeless a Romantic as they come, but it was beautiful. And maybe It’s because the whole episode was sad, but that look felt like getting hit. It comes in waves, but sometimes it hits me how alone I feel and how much it sucks.

I want to share a look like that with someone. Someone who I care about and who cares about me in return. Someone who knows me and likes me anyway.

My life is seriously so awkward. And I’m so awkward around boys. This boy I like, I wouldn’t be able to make coherent sentences around him, I laughed louder than normal, I always manage to say or do something that reveals how truly weird I am. I couldn’t keep it together. There’s an incredibly kind, smart, helpful, good-looking boy at work who I don’t know at all. I had been trying to work up the nerve to talk to him for weeks and when I finally did on Sunday, I dropped a tray of plates all over the floor right in front of him and then blushed like an idiot. I later tripped on my foot while walking past him.


I’m not very funny, but I have one joke that usually makes people laugh:
Person: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yea, he has four legs and is covered in black fur. He’s also a cat.
People usually find that funny. And I think It’s pretty funny. But between you and me, I only make that joke because I don’t want people to know how single I am.

I’m honestly so afraid of being too awkward or weird or clumsy or stupid to ever get a boyfriend. There are days when I resign myself to dying alone with my 97 cats and wearing pink velour sweat suits. It seems like all fun and games until that fear comes true.

I don’t always hate being single. In fact, some days I love it. But on days like today dying alone feels pretty imminent.

I think the people who make the most jokes about being single are some of the loneliest people. You just would never know because they make it seem like no big deal.

Love you!