You’re not on a raft. 260 to go…

I am so happy. I know I should shut up, but I’m going to college!

Honestly, I can’t explain to you how relieved I am.

Do you know why it is so easy to be indecisive? We are afraid of making the wrong decision. There are so many options and they all look so good, how does a person choose? A lot of people talk about God’s will and they put off making decisions because they are not positive about what God’s will is for a particular situation.

But here’s what I believe. No one walks out of God’s will on accident. No one wakes up one day and finds that they’ve become a drug dealer on accident. No one finds themselves practicing magic and putting curses on people by accident. Those things take consious choices.

If God has a perfect and pleasing will for our lives then who is to say that this will can only be achieved through one exact string of choices? We have all got these incredible purposes for our lives. This brilliant Great Perhaps’, and unless we choose to walk away from that purpose we will get there.

You are not on a flimsy raft that is being dragged along by the river of life. You are on a big ocean liner and you are steering. You may only be able to see the next fork in the river, but you know the right path to take. It’s just your responsibility to choose.

Question of the Day- thought?

Love you!



Happily ever after. 336 to go…

Maybe it’s what is after the “happily ever after” that really matters. Cinderella always ended, for me, when Cinderella and the prince kissed and rode off into the sunset. There is no story after that. Sure, they continue to exist, but they’re no longer real.

I think we look at life like that. If you’re anything like me, you’re hoping for Love and Romance and Adventure and Purpose and excitement and fun and Joy, but that only comes when you’re young and in love.

I’m too tired to make much sense. I’ll finish this tomorrow.

Love you!


Day 304

Well I’m at work and I have time to kill before I can clock back in. I’m going camping for the next couple of days, so I don’t really forsee myself being able to blog in the middle of the woods unless I have phone service. I got a new phone last week and it has this cool WordPress widget that I’ve been using to blog. But it also has a photo blog feature, so I might be trying that out.

I’m thinking about how terrible being alone is. I’m sitting in the employee cafeteria and I legit don’t know anyone. So I’m sitting here jamming to Hot Chelle Ray on my ipod and blogging on my phone looking totally antisocial. And I hate it. I’d rather be in a room all by myself than be in a room full of.people I don’t know. It creates a sensation of rejection. Because someone could talk to you if they wanted to, but instead you’re just sitting there alone. Gah… I hate it.

I know I’ve mentioned Charming to you before. So I’m thinking about the difference between friendly, flirtatious, and Charming. I’m not sure that Charming is something you can quantify. It just is or isn’t. Charming boys are the hardest to deal with because you are flattered by their attention, but it just doesn’t mean as much to them as it does to you. Darn those Charming boys…

Purpose. It’s that little flame that lights a fire under your [butt]. Purpose. It keeps you going strong, like a car with a full tank of gas.

Words I’m thinking about.

Random Fact of the Day- Neferitti is a name (just saw a woman with that on her name tag)

Mission of the Day- Listen to some music. Some good music.

Love you!


Day 299

It didn’t hit me yesterday but I’m getting old. Sure, I’m young, I’m sweet, I’m seventeen, I’m the Dancing Queen. But time is going faster. I remember being in second grade and thinking I would never get any older. Summer seemed to last an eternity in elementary school, and there was always something to do. Seventh grade went on for ages, eighth grade dragged by, ninth grade seemed to go by slowly, but in a good way. That summer was the longest summer I’ve lived through, in the best way. Tenth grade went by quickly but beautifully, last summer seems like a whirlwind of activity. And this year has flown by. It’s been hectic, stressful, crazy, sick (in the unhealthy sense of the word) and tiring. But it has also been fun, beautiful, exciting and just great. It wasn’t my favorite year of school, but seventeen is my favorite year of being alive thus far.

Suddenly I’m driving myself places, I’m getting a credit card, I’m coming home at 11, I’m going to work, I’m making dinner.  I’m getting older, and that’s ok by me, but it’s a little scary. As the fabulous Alex Day wrote “We’ll never forget how it feels to be young,” I don’t know how you define young, but I assume I’m living in it. And I don’t want to forget it.

I believe we live through our circumstances for a reason. Thing do not happen for no cause. And that’s why I journal, that’s why I blog. Because you can believe on of two things:

1. All of life is random and happens by mere chance.
2. All of life happens for a reason and possesses some sort of purpose.

I will choose to believe that we have purpose, if only because it makes me feel better about my existence. We were created for a reason, and if we just appeared here and are just clumps of mass then what is the point of living? If we all die in the end then why not make it less painful and just end it before it starts? Because we value our lives, we value our comfort and our happiness. And this, to me, is proof of our intelligent design. We value what we are created for. We yearn for what God yearns for. Close and intimate relationships, purpose, love. I’d be willing to say that emotions cannot be evolved. Thoughts on that?

Random fact of the day- Venus passed in front of the sun today. Amazing isn’t it? We’re just so little.

Mission of the Day- Put something on your head and declare yourself the king of something.

Love you always!


Day 298

It’s over… My junior year, gone. The older I get the faster time seems to go by. I find myself thinking back on the year an it has been a weird one. I’ve loved it, but there have been some rough spots and some hard times.

Today was my last day of school. I took my choir final and sat in journalism and then I went home. This evening was spent at my dear friend Rachel’s house. We swam in the pool, played Just Dance, and then played Paint Twister. Essentially you put paint on the twister board and then just play as normal. It was so much fun and completely hilarious. Then naturally we all chased one another around to try and get paint on each other, we ran up a hill, and played Paint Ninja. We jumped in the pool and hung out and I just had a great time. It was a lovely way to kick off summer.

Now to be serious. Girlnextdooritis. The absolute worst, and I’ve had it on my mind the past couple of days. It’s a disease that I’m afraid that I have a very bad case of. And I was talking about it with a good friend of mine and I just realized how rotten it makes you feel about yourself. Constantly being the friend, and always hearing about the different girl friends or crushes. It’s no fun. And do you know what starts to happen? You start to think to yourself “is there something wrong with me? Am in ugly, stupid, or just generally repulsive?” it gets you down.

But there is something I’ve been clinging to for weeks that a really good friend of mine told me, he said: if you were supposed to be different then you would hav been created differently. But you weren’t, so you aren’t. Just remember that.

Random fact of the day- according to Rachel, today is hug a cat day.

Mission of the day- take a moment to rejoice in the life you’ve been given. You are special and you were created uniquely for a purpose. You are a lovely person simply because you exist.

Love you!


Day 258

Well, tonight I have some time so I’m going to write about a bunch of different stuff.

Happy Easter! Today I realized something. All religions hang on Easter. The validity of Easter affects everyone.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever told you my theory about cake. I like analogies, they make sense to me. Salvation through Jesus is like a cake. Jesus offers you a cake and you must make a decision: am I going to take the cake? You have to choose whether or not to accept the gift of eternal life. So let’s say you choose to take the cake. That’s nice and all, it is a pretty cake, but what’s it doing for you? You have that cake, you have that promise, but you are not living in that promise until you choose to take a bite of the cake. The fact that you’re not eating the cake doesn’t change the fact that you have the cake, but that cake isn’t making a difference in your life until you eat it. You can have the promise of heaven, but your faith can mean nothing to you until you act on it. It would be easier if I could explain this with words and use hand gestures and such, but sometimes a blog post is all I have.

“We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. Everyone overcome.” This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but the whole idea that our testimonies are helping us overcome. I look at testimonies as stories. Our testimonies make us who we are. So the fact that our story, our whole story, is for our good. I don’t know about you, but not all parts of my story are happy, and not all are pretty. To think that all parts of that story are working together… it’s kinda crazy.

We were at our Easter service at church last night and there was a video about scars. “Scars tell a story, scars make us who we are. Scars tell a story of pain and brokenness.” And all of this got me thinking. I would most certainly agree with the first part of that. Scars do tell a story, you don’t often look at your knee and say “Huh… I’ve never seen that scar before, I wonder where it came from?” We look our knees and say “In 7th grade climbed out of a lake, slipped on the ladder, and smacked my knee really hard on the third rung. It hurt for weeks and I was convinced it was broken, but my parents didn’t believe me. Good times.” Each scar has a cause and a memorable story. The next part is what I have some issues with. “Scars make us who we are.” Can’t say I agree. A scar tells a story, and our stories make us who we are, but the scar itself doesn’t define us. Because to someone else, that scar on my knee might have come from a knife fight that I was in when I was 7 years old that left the other guy with only one eye and six and a half fingers. So without the story, the scars are irrelevant. “Scars tell a story of pain and brokenness” Yea, I would most certainly agree with that. You don’t get a scar without pain. When I smacked my knee on that cold metal rung it hurt, and it hurt for a while, but the story is one that makes me smile. It reminds me of my friends, the fun I had at that place and the adventures. So that’s what I think about that.

What do I want from life? It’s a question I have to think about quite a bit. Because, really, if you don’t know what it is you want then you’re just living without a purpose. And I’ll admit that the idea of not having a purpose scares me.

The other day I was sitting in church having a discussion with a friend of mine who is more conservative than me about a lot of things. That friend thinks that we need to love non-Christians but that the best way to do that is from afar. And a thought popped into my head, (which I must admit, I think is pretty clever) “You can’t Super-Christian the hell out of people.” If there is a Super-Christian in your life, you know it. You tell them about an issue you’re having and their response is “Have you prayed about it?” Or you say that you’re sick and they say “Have you been reading your Bible enough?” You go to a Ben Rector concert and all they have to say is “Non-Christian music is of the devil.” Or you go on a college visit to a secular college and they say to you “You’re not actually thinking about going there are you? They won’t support you in your faith.” The people who hate books life Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games and the such as. They’re people with good hearts, people who really care, but just aren’t going about it the right way. So I say, you can’t Super-Christian the hell out of people. Those people think that by reprimanding and correcting people they will knock the sin and the hell right out of them. But I’ve just noticed how ineffective that approach is. Constant correction is no way to love people, and people need love. “We just want to be loved. When it’s said and done there’s no one above a little love.” Thank you Ben Rector, I knew you would have something good to say. So that is what I think. We need to love one another, not try to correct the bad out of every person we know.

“We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.” -John Green. What a brilliant man. We are greater than the sum of our parts. There is a part of humanity that is beyond knowability, and that’s a little nuts. I’m not going to tell you what I think about this for a couple reasons, 1. I truly can’t explain it well in a single blog post, 2. I want you to think for yourself, 3. I’m not positive. You want my opinion? Let’s be friends and talk about it.

Random Fact of the Day- The easter bunny is not a rabbit, it is a hare.

Mission of the Day- Consider that John Green quote.

Love you, and happy Easter!


Day 214

Happy Valentines Day! What a day it has been. I did the whole school thing. Pretty boring. Took a precalculus test. Had tons of fun in Journalism. Sang as “seductively” as possible while laughing during choir. The usual.

This evening I read more of “Sister Carrie” and it’s really not a very good book. I don’t enjoy it at all, but there have been several things that have stuck out to me.

“Let the woman you look upon be wise or vain… beautiful or homely, rich or poor, she has but one thing she can give or refuse– her heart… Her beauty, her wit, her accomplishments, she may sell to you; but her love is the treasure without money and without price.”

This jumped out at me, both because of its truth and its poetic nature. It’s beautiful in the way it’s written and the way which it’s true. Love, everyone wants it and no one seems to understand that, like happiness, it cannot be bought. But it must be earned and treated with respect. This is in relation to all types of love. Both romantic, friend, brotherly or Godly. Funny, our society is so in love with love. What would we do for it? What wouldn’t we do? Things to think about.

I spent my evening with a fabulous friend of mine, Kali. We met at Starbucks and talked for almost 2 hours. We talked about friends, parents, high school, boys, and books. We talked about phases and stages. That’s something I’ve been putting a lot of thought into.

I personally am not a believer in “phases” I don’t think that people go through phases in their lives. Because a phases implies that it made no difference, that it was something that passed without being important. I am, however, a believer in stages or seasons. We go through seasons in our lives. Seasons and stages that change us, and give us things to think about for a long time to come.

Kali and I talked for a while about Looking for Alaska. You obviously know how much that has meant to me over the past couple of months. So we talked about purpose. How we each have a sub purpose within the lines of our original purpose to glorify God. I have to got to bed, but I’ll expand on that tomorrow.

At Starbucks the song “I Feel Good” came on the radio. Kali dared me to jump up and dance. Naturally I did. Then we asked for a tall whipped cream. AND THEY GAVE IT TO US! They didn’t give us a funny look, or charge us for it. It was fabulous. I’m so blessed to have such fabulous friends.

Random Fact of the Day- .99999999 repeating is not less than 1. It is equal to 1.

Mission of the Day- Go to Starbucks and ask for a cup of whipped cream.

Love you!