Friendship and Bones. 203 to go…

I managed to not get sick all winter and now that spring is just around the corner, I become ill. Grrrrrrr… I made it to school today, but didn’t make it to any of my classes. I slept for a lot of the day and then watched a lot of episodes of Bones. I just started watching Bones, I have to say that I like it a lot.

As I was watching Bones there was something that stuck out to me. Angela said to Brennan “You need to tell someone something that you’re not sure you want them to know.” This was her advice for giving of ones self and it really struck me. That’s what trust is, telling someone something that you’re not sure that you want them to know and expecting that they won’t tell anyone. That is how we get to know one another. That’s how friendships are formed.

I’m very lucky to have many friends, but I’ve been deeply blessed to have a small group of friends who I can share anything with. Friends who I have told things that I have never told anyone else before. I remember sitting in the church parking lot with my dear friend Gretchen and finally working up the nerve to tell her my deepest secret. I didn’t want to tell her, but it was weighing on me and I hoped that I could trust her. I don’t know if she remembers that moment, but I know that after that I was able to trust her and be honest with her in a way I have never been before. I told her something that I didn’t want her to know and we forged trust over it.

I’m not suggesting that you pour out your deepest darkest secrets to everyone, but think about that a little bit.

Love you!



And I’m sick. 243 to go…

Being sick makes me feel like Winnie the Pooh. Nothing quite makes sense, I feel all fluffy, I have to speak in simple sentences and I always just want to eat and sleep.

I’ve come down with a cold and I feel pretty miserable. Sneezing, coughing, throat pain, stomach aches, sore legs. It’s just all awful. And I feel so physically exhausted.

I have many things on my mind, but between the Sick and the Sleepiness none of it makes sense. I need to go to bed.

Love you!


Day 255

Unfortunately I don’t have much time to write tonight. I’m physically exhausted so I’m just going to fill you in on what has happened in the past couple of hours.

I have a pretty nasty pain on my lower left side underwhy rib cage. It’s basically a shooting pain that hits when I breathe, swallow, hiccough, laugh, burp, cough or sneeze. The pain was pretty consistent all day yesterday and when I woke up this morning it was even worse. So I went to the doctor and he said that it is probably a muscle problem. GAH!!!!

As Taylor Swift once said “I just want to feel ok again.” yep. Me too.

Remindme totally you about scars and the maundy Thursday service. But for now I just have to go to bed.

Random fact of the day- my phone’s t9 knows the word “hipster” thought you would want to know that.

Mission of the day- consider the hipster.

Love you!


Day 253

I’m not sure what I’ve been thinking about today, if anything. I’ve kinda been in a blank brain state. Had another doctors appointment today. same old same old. They told me to just keep taking the antibiotic and drinking water. GAH! I just want to know what’s wrong so we can fix it.

I had a fabulous time today with some of my lovely friends. We walked around a trailer park giving out flyers, ate pizza at a sketchy place, laughed loudly, sang obnoxiously and had a wonderfully fun time.

You watch a TV show and your two favorite characters finally get together. Megan and Larry, Charlie and Amina from Numb3rs. Jim and Pam on the Office. Jess and Nick from New Girl. Cameron and Melanie from Breaking In. I think that the feeling you get inside, that happiness, comes from that deep desire for it to be us. And it’s true.

Random Fact of the Day- the color blue suppresses appetites, which is why many restaurants who have all you can eat buffets serve their food on blue plates.

Mission of the Day- Jam to the song “Every Time We Touch” (because it’s a great song.)

Love you!


Day 220

Blogging a little early today because I’ve got a good bit on my mind and I’m in need of some silence.

If you can’t take it then don’t dish it out. It’s something people say, but it’s not something we think about often. Though it’s true. Offensive people who can’t hear the truth. Rude people who can’t take correction. Flirts who hate being lead on. Sarcastic people who can’t take a joke. Heart breakers who can’t take being dumped. Proud people who hate arrogance. Negative people who hate complainers. You know the type. The thing they hate most in other people are the things you hate in them.

I’m not attacking here, I’m noticing a pattern in humanity. The things we hate most in other people are often the things we can’t see in ourselves. The things that drive other people up walls. But what does that come from? Some would argue self loathing, others insecurity. I think it all stems from the basic scientific idea of “opposites attract, similar things repel” When we meet someone very similar to us, we are often intrigued by them, and irritated by them at the same time. Because our similarities just aren’t compatible. One of my best friends and I share so much, but our basic differences are what make our similarities compatible. It’s frustrating to see in other people, because you wish you could express to that person that they’re being such a hypocrite. But humanity is something we must live with.

You know, I think we’d all like to think that we live in a beautiful world. That when we look at the sun or the stars or the birds or the grass, that there is some scrap of goodness left in humanity. I believe there is, but sometimes I feel hopeless. I look at the people around me, I look at the TV, I look at my friends, my family and myself and just realize that we aren’t good enough. That’s something I have to think over.

And I could spend forever in your eyes,
I could spend forever here tonight,
and even if you never cared for me,
I will cherish every memory,
and though i know it’s kind of bittersweet,
sometimes we have to accept defeat,
then ensues the peace like falling snow,
take a deep breath in and let it go,
I am free

I don’t know, those words just stuck out to me. Even if you never cared for me, I will cherish every memory. It’s beautiful. It’s sad. And it’s true.

I was talking to a friend of mine today during gym class. He was talking about paranoia, and I kind of realized the basis of many of my fears. Fears that are based on, not reality, but the possibility of things. We’re not afraid of the dark because there are things (for sure) there, we’re afraid because there might be something there. We’re afraid of the ocean, not because it’s certain we’re going to be attacked by a shark, but because there might be things swimming around us. And the list goes on, the fear of things that might exist.

I’ve been listening to this song over and over:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness. 

I love that line. I’m kinda falling in love with that type of line.

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.

Hmmm… how many people are there who are just “somebody that you used to know”? People you see but don’t talk to, people you know so much about but don’t know any more.

I went to the doctor for the 3rd time in the past couple months today. I’ve just had this nasty cough for a really long time and I just don’t know why. Mreh, I’m just ready to feel OK again. I don’t need to feel good. Just OK.

I’m tired. I got home today and the children are all screaming. It just makes me want to cry. I’m an extroverted people-person. But too much noise is just too much.

Disappointment. We live with it.

This is the point of the blog when everything becomes less connected and more concise.

Boys, they make life really weird.

Random Fact of the Day- Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.

Mission of the Day- Figure out what you’re afraid of and why. Then tell me. I love getting comments.

Day 172

Merry Christmas! You have a sinus infection! Blah…. I suppose it could be worse. But if there is one thing that I hate more than most things is being sick. Hopefully, taking some antibiotics will fix me up in ten days. After feeling nasty for approximately 3 weeks I finally went to the doctor, and was told something I already knew. Oh well…

I slept late and did very little today. I took a long shower and lounged in my robe until about 2:30ish. Good times. I spent a long time looking up college stuff, then I made laundry detergent (excellent fun for weird kids like me.) Then I did laundry, cleaned my room, played the piano and just took care of life. Very nice. Went off to the doctors office.

I had a long conversation with two of my lovely eight grade girls, Jen and Becca. We talked about first kisses, best friends, flirting, regrets, and dating. So, mostly guys. It was a good time. Lots of life advice. It’s funny… they believe that my life advice is the best. I do have stories to tell. Lots of them. I’ve done some crazy things in my crazy life, and I have some pretty good stories.

Thinking a lot about life experience. There are things I’ve done that weren’t the best decisions at the time, but that have helped me a lot in the end. Crazy stuff. I often wonder what life would have been like if it wasn’t for some of the decisions I’ve made. I think a lot. No regrets…

Random Fact of the Day- They are planning on making a fourth Bourne movie. But Matt Daemon isn’t going to be in it. 😦

Mission of the Day- Blow your nose really loud!

Love you!


Day 171

9:16 and exhaustion is beginning to set in already. I’ve been doing my best to stay awake all day, but have been failing miserably. I’m afraid that I’m slowly becoming a narcaleptic.

Daddy is taking me to the doctor tomorrow. I’ve been sick for at least a month and have been having headaches for at least 2. SO that’s a little concerning.

I didn’t do much today. Left my cousin’s and drove home. Blah. Not a fan of long car rides. Especially not when I’m sick. We hung out, saw a movie, and just had fun.

I have done little to no thinking today, and the thinking I have been doing has been rather morbid. Today would have been my grandmother’s 67th birthday. She died 2 days before my 13th birthday nearly 4 years ago. We visited her grave today and drove by her house for the first time. It’s just so strange to think how fragile life is. How quickly things end, and how small we are. Crazy stuff.

Random Fact of the Day-In the 1980s leg warmers became popular among teenage girls because of films such as Fame and Flashdance.

Mission of the Day- I don’t care how ridiculous everyone says they look. Wear something that looks like leg warmers and like it.

Love you!