The best summer. 42 to go…

So it’s my last night of summer. Part of me is really excited for school to start again, I’ve been back at school for five days and I’ve really been enjoying that, but part of me is really sad to see this summer end. It’s been an absolutely amazing summer. I made new friends, I went on adventures, I fell in love. It’s been great. It’s the sort of summer I don’t want to end. So I’m going to reminisce.

I had the distinct pleasure of working with four lovely women this summer: Laura, Ashley, Ali, and Keely. I seriously could not have made it through this summer without these girls. They listened to all of my stupid drama, they laughed with me, they helped me up when I fell, and they just did life with me. These girls made work and life so much sweeter.Friends80Ali, Me, Keely, Laura after we all went out for dinner one night.

The highlight of my summer was my week-long mental vacation that I took back in July. I spent some time at two different camps, observing, speaking, sleeping, and relaxing. I was so blessed to spend time with some very dear people and to have some time to just rest and pray and put my life back in order.

20140724_153329This is me and my dear friend Cindy at the beach at the second camp I went to.

I got to spend a good bit of time with my gorgeous best friends this summer. Penelope, Meesh, Rachel, Nicole, Karrisa. I don’t know what I would have done without them to keep me occupied and crazy this summer. I love them all so dearly.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 presetPenelope, Me, and Ben at the Ren Faire dressed as Amy Pond, The Tenth Doctor, and The Eleventh Doctor.20140720_121747Meesh and I being cute as bagels, cause that’s what we do.

My girls Rachel, Karrisa, and Nicole. What would I do without them?

I’m constantly blessed by the family I was put in. It was not always easy this summer, but I know that I can always count on these five people. I love them more than I could ever say.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset
Dad, Me, Jonathan, Daniel, Mom, Kayra. They’re just the best.

Lastly, I fell in love this summer. I fell in love with a boy who makes me laugh, makes me feel special, teaches me knew things, makes me blush, and makes me so incredibly happy. A boy with gorgeous eyes, and strong shoulders who thinks before he speaks and is wickedly talented. A boy who’s hand fits perfectly in mine and who makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. A boy who I could write about endlessly. I’m so thankful for the joy and excitement he has brought into my life.

I really didn’t have high expectations for this summer, in fact I was prepared for it to suck. But it was so full of joy and learning. It’s the sort of summer I want to remember forever. The summer of 19. It was a good one.

Tell me about your summer! What did you do? What were your highlights? I want to know!!

Love you!



The Likes of Us. 47 to go…

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.”
– John Green

Have you ever listened to music like this? Music that has the potential to heal souls and fix the world?  I’ll admit that I’m one of those horrible people who discovers music I like and just listens to it over and over again until I know every single world. I can’t think about anything else. I bathe myself in the words and the chords and the rhythm until it feels like a part of my own skin. I can’t bare to listen to anything else for weeks on end.

original-time_traveler_cover_squareYou can download this album for free from Noisetrade.

If you follow me on Tumblr or Twitter, (which you definitely should be) then you know I have been listening to this album on repeat for 10 days straight. According to my iTunes, I’ve listened to this album 36 times through (it’ll be 37 by the time I finish writing this.) Which means I’ve listened to this album between 3 and 4 times a day, which is up to four hours a day. I would listen to it more if there were more hours in the day. I like all of it. From the fun and upbeat songs to the slow and beautiful ones, I just love it.

This album is changing my life and I can’t even explain how or why. It’s like it’s fixing my heart. I don’t know, I can’t even make sense of how it makes me feel.

The song “Indian Summer” is probably my favorite because I just love the words.

I’m looking for the girl with Sunshine in her soul. 

Something about that speaks to me in a way I don’t understand. I want to be described like that. I want someone to look at me and look for the words to describe me and only be able to say “it’s like… it’s like she has Sunshine in her soul. Sunshine with a capital S.” Maybe this has something to do with my love affair with not only physical Sunshine, but also the idea of Sunshine. I think it really does have to do with The Girl I Want To Be, which I’ve written a lot about. I have this idea of who I want to be, and I’m getting closer and closer every day, but this song just embodies this beautiful, Sunshine-y, peaceful kind of girl I want to be. I don’t know. It just speaks to me.

I also love “Hurricane” probably for the same reasons. As a self-proclaimed tree-hugger, the language it uses just speaks to me.

when you grab my hand
I can’t move no I can’t think
you course through my veins
like a flood in the streams
you waken me up
like a bolt of lightning
how can you love me
so fierce and so sweet

And then the chorus is just so strikingly beautiful.

in the drought of my soul
oh i’m losing control
oh how you know how to kiss like the rain
you stole my heart like a hurricane

I could listen to those words over and over again. “Oh how you know how to kiss like the rain.” Isn’t that just stunning? I want someone to talk about my like this. I want it so badly. I want to be a storm, so fierce and so sweet, who moves gracefully while still being a whirlwind. Does that make any sense?

I feel like this album is full of the love songs I wish were written for me (that sounds really sad, but I promise it isn’t.) It just makes me feel happy and loved on the inside. Maybe I’m just filling my desire for summer-lovin’ (had me a blast) with this album, and I think that’s OK. This is not to say that I’m discontent, I’m so very happy and I just feel like this has done nothing but help water the peace and joy that’s planted in my heart. Does that make sense? I don’t know.

Sorry if none of this made sense. I just am loving this right now and it’s making me feel a lot of things (mostly good things) and I wanted to share it with you. I can’t make much sense of how I feel right now, both about this and just about my life in general, but I knew I needed to share this. It’s the sort of thing that haunts me until I share it with everyone. I just have a lot of feelings about a lot of things and this album is helping me to make sense of it all. I don’t know. I just don’t know. I want this to make sense, and I’m not sure it does. Oh well, I’ve made less sense over less important things.

Mission of the Day- Listen to this album the whole way through and then tell me what you think? Does anything speak to you? What’s your favorite song?

Question of the Day- What have you been listening to this summer? Do you have any suggestions for other things for me to listen to?

Love you!


My conflicted Summer. 48 to go…

So I’m home for the summer. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more conflicted about summer in my life.  In high school I was always dying for summer by the end of the school year. I was ready to be out of school and to sleep in and to be free. This summer doesn’t feel like that. Yes, it’s great to be home and to see my family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and all the other people I’ve missed so much this year, but it’s different.

I miss my friends at school more than I know how to say. I feel their absence in my bones. Getting involved with Cru this semester gave me the opportunity to get to know so many incredible people and to make so many friends who I love. A couple of times this semester we went out and had a campfire on a beach close to our school and one night as we were sitting there around the fire I just had to look at my friends and I was filled with joy. I didn’t know it was possible to fall in love with so many people in such a short period of time.

“I hate distance. You meet the best people and they are always far away.”
My best friend David posted this on Tumblr (go check out his Tumblr, it’s artsy and fabulous,) and tagged me and my other best friend Katie (check out her Tumblr as well, it’s so pretty that it gives me Tumblr envy) in it and I actually cried. David and Katie have quickly become two of my best friends and school. They encourage me, teach me, make me laugh, and make me a better person. It is absolutely ridiculous how much I miss them. I miss late nights, long talks, and all of the laughter with them.


David, Me, Katie. Katie took this picture of us at the lilac festival this spring and I love it so much, it just makes me so happy (just like them.)

The other people I miss so much are Grace, Kelly, and Mike. I met these losers in Honors Orientation Group 6 so they’ve literally been with me since day 1 of college. They’ve been there to listen to me complain about any and everything, they’ve eaten way too much Common’s pizza with me, they’ve put up with my irrationality, and they’ve helped make me the person I am. I love them all so much and it has been so incredibly difficult to go from seeing them every single day to not seeing them at all. We’re all going to be living in a house together next year and there are no words for the excitement I feel about that.

2014-05-28 11.43.04

We’re in the most hilarious group text and this will forever be my favorite comment. There’s no context to give, it stands on its own. Egg plant tube sock potato salad.


Kelly, Grace, Mike, Me. We took this picture on the day we signed the lease to live in our house next year. I can’t wait to share every minute with these people who I love more than words.

One of the worst things about going from college life back to home life is being alone. I don’t know if I’ve spent this much time alone since winter break. I’ve gone from having a roommate and hundreds of other people living in my building to living with my five  family members who are at school or work most of the day. College is great because all of your friends live so close. You can walk down the hall, up a floor, or to the next building and be surrounded by your friends. I have to drive at least 5 minutes to see any of my friends here and there are days when I wake up after my family leaves and come home from work after they’ve gone to sleep. This has made me feel really lonely while I’m home.

This summer is also really difficult because I’m living with my parents again. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are the coolest, most understanding, and reasonable people I know; but things are different now. I’ve been living on my own for almost a year now. I’ve been waking up, going to bed, coming home, and staying out whenever I want. I’ve been doing what I want when I want to and I just can’t live like that at home. I live with 5 other people with various work and school responsibilities and my college lifestyle of coming home at 4am and waking up at noon just isn’t going to cut it all summer. It’s so hard to remember that I can’t just leave the house whenever. Remembering to tell my parents where I’m going and when I’ll be back is a serious chore for me.

As hard as this summer might be, I think it’s going to be really good. It’s been so good to be home and see my friends here who I have missed so much. It’s good to be working again and to be back in a rhythm of doing things regularly. It’s been nice to sleep in and cook for myself. I want this to be a productive summer of reading books, doing the things I need to, exercising, earning money, and resting.

Yes, it’s hard to be away from so many people that I love so dearly, but I’m so glad to be home with so many other people who I love.

Love you so much!


120 to go…

It’s sad when your love life consists of hoping that fictional characters will kiss.

I’ve been trying to not think about boys. I really have. But it is so difficult.

Jonathan and I have been watching Bones on Netflix from the very beginning and watching the blooming romance between Hodgins and Angela is both killing me and making me whole. I love to watch people fall in love. I’m all about it. So I love it. I loved fheod first date and their first kiss and their shared looks. It makes me feel giggly and happy on the inside. At the same time, it makes me feel lonely. Why does nobody look at me like that? Why is it that I’ve been reeking havoc on this planet for eighteen years and I still haven’t gone on a real date with a boy? Am I that weird? Am I that yucky?

Everybody wants a summer romance. “summer love, some thing’s begun…” It seems like everyone has their summer love and I’m just watching Bones with my cat while eating organic potatoes. Don’t get me wrong, u love watching Bones with my cat and eating organic potatoes. But It’s not very satisfying.

Anyway. I’m tired and my back still hurts.

Love you!


What’s wrong with me? 233 to go…

Gosh, the whole universe is freezing cold. I miss summer. I miss the sunlight and the late nights, the music loud and the Windows down. I miss the flowers in our hair and the Romance in the air. I miss the joy of feeling alive and the need to only survive. I miss it all, It’s true. But mostly, I miss you.

Sorry, I may have just accidentally written the chorus to what will someday become and incredible song, but it had to happen and It’s all so true.

I don’t know how to feel right now. I liked a boy, he made it clear he didn’t like me (at all,) he still was giving me funny signals and now he has a girlfriend. I mean, good for him, but I don’t know how to feel about this. I guess that I don’t truly like him anymore and I haven’t for a while, but It’s still kinda weird. Whatever.

I find that I’m living in a pattern. A patter where I decide that I like a boy, think that he likes me back, find out that he doesn’t like me back, get devastated, move on to someone else who gives me attention. What the heck is wrong with me? I need to get out of this cycle before it kills my soul and my belief in love. There is so much more to life than the opinion of some awkward teenage boy.

But it still makes me sad. I find myself asking this question a lot “what is wrong with me?” Why do I seem so incredibly unlikable? I don’t know.

I miss the Sunshine… I miss it a lot.

Love you!


Passion and summer. 248 to go…

Sometimes you get a feeling in the pit of your stomach. The feeling that you know something is right. The feeling that you know you were made for this one thing.

I’m a girl of many opinions and many loves, but I’m a girl of few passions. I’m passionate about music; about playing, making, enjoying, hearing and sharing music. I’m passionate about writing; though I’m no good at it I am passionate about doing it. I’m passionate about creating; why can’t we all just make things? I am passionate about relationships; I depend so heavily on my family and friends.

I’m passionate about love; I believe that no great thing is accomplished without love. God created us for a purpose and we achieve that purpose through loving one another. Love is the spring of so much beauty and so much good. We need more love. There are so many people and just not enough love. There are so mango people who go their whole lives not knowing that they are loved, and that is simply wrong. We are called to be the hands and feet of God, we are called to spread his love.

Three summers ago, I went on a missions trip that I was so passionate about. I knew in my heart that God was calling me to go there, and it was a trip that changed my life. Two summers ago, I went to camp with my wonderful middle school girls. I didn’t go on a missions trip that summer because I knew that I had to go to camp. I felt this amazing excitement that comes from God, and I knew that’s where I had to go. This past summer, I went to camp with my middle schoolers and then to Challenge. The excitement I felt was so obvious. It was totally a pull on my heart from God.

Now, as I’m looking forward to this summer I have something quite different in mind. My best friend Meesh and I want to hike the Grand Canyon and drive to California to go to VidCon. It’s crazy and it is a big deal but that’s what I want to do. The excitement I feel about this trip is unparalleled. I just know that it is what I need to do. I don’t know why right now, but I know. This isn’t a missions trip, but I cannot ignore the excitement I feel about this. I just know that it is going to be something so incredible. Meesh and I are even going to start running tomorrow to get in shape, and if you know me at all then you know that running is my worst enemy.

The problem is, my parents are opposed to this. I get it, it is a little nuts. But we can do it. I know we can. And I need their faith here.

That’s what’s on my mind.

Love ya,


Day 298

It’s over… My junior year, gone. The older I get the faster time seems to go by. I find myself thinking back on the year an it has been a weird one. I’ve loved it, but there have been some rough spots and some hard times.

Today was my last day of school. I took my choir final and sat in journalism and then I went home. This evening was spent at my dear friend Rachel’s house. We swam in the pool, played Just Dance, and then played Paint Twister. Essentially you put paint on the twister board and then just play as normal. It was so much fun and completely hilarious. Then naturally we all chased one another around to try and get paint on each other, we ran up a hill, and played Paint Ninja. We jumped in the pool and hung out and I just had a great time. It was a lovely way to kick off summer.

Now to be serious. Girlnextdooritis. The absolute worst, and I’ve had it on my mind the past couple of days. It’s a disease that I’m afraid that I have a very bad case of. And I was talking about it with a good friend of mine and I just realized how rotten it makes you feel about yourself. Constantly being the friend, and always hearing about the different girl friends or crushes. It’s no fun. And do you know what starts to happen? You start to think to yourself “is there something wrong with me? Am in ugly, stupid, or just generally repulsive?” it gets you down.

But there is something I’ve been clinging to for weeks that a really good friend of mine told me, he said: if you were supposed to be different then you would hav been created differently. But you weren’t, so you aren’t. Just remember that.

Random fact of the day- according to Rachel, today is hug a cat day.

Mission of the day- take a moment to rejoice in the life you’ve been given. You are special and you were created uniquely for a purpose. You are a lovely person simply because you exist.

Love you!