The Likes of Us. 47 to go…

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.”
– John Green

Have you ever listened to music like this? Music that has the potential to heal souls and fix the world?  I’ll admit that I’m one of those horrible people who discovers music I like and just listens to it over and over again until I know every single world. I can’t think about anything else. I bathe myself in the words and the chords and the rhythm until it feels like a part of my own skin. I can’t bare to listen to anything else for weeks on end.

original-time_traveler_cover_squareYou can download this album for free from Noisetrade.

If you follow me on Tumblr or Twitter, (which you definitely should be) then you know I have been listening to this album on repeat for 10 days straight. According to my iTunes, I’ve listened to this album 36 times through (it’ll be 37 by the time I finish writing this.) Which means I’ve listened to this album between 3 and 4 times a day, which is up to four hours a day. I would listen to it more if there were more hours in the day. I like all of it. From the fun and upbeat songs to the slow and beautiful ones, I just love it.

This album is changing my life and I can’t even explain how or why. It’s like it’s fixing my heart. I don’t know, I can’t even make sense of how it makes me feel.

The song “Indian Summer” is probably my favorite because I just love the words.

I’m looking for the girl with Sunshine in her soul. 

Something about that speaks to me in a way I don’t understand. I want to be described like that. I want someone to look at me and look for the words to describe me and only be able to say “it’s like… it’s like she has Sunshine in her soul. Sunshine with a capital S.” Maybe this has something to do with my love affair with not only physical Sunshine, but also the idea of Sunshine. I think it really does have to do with The Girl I Want To Be, which I’ve written a lot about. I have this idea of who I want to be, and I’m getting closer and closer every day, but this song just embodies this beautiful, Sunshine-y, peaceful kind of girl I want to be. I don’t know. It just speaks to me.

I also love “Hurricane” probably for the same reasons. As a self-proclaimed tree-hugger, the language it uses just speaks to me.

when you grab my hand
I can’t move no I can’t think
you course through my veins
like a flood in the streams
you waken me up
like a bolt of lightning
how can you love me
so fierce and so sweet

And then the chorus is just so strikingly beautiful.

in the drought of my soul
oh i’m losing control
oh how you know how to kiss like the rain
you stole my heart like a hurricane

I could listen to those words over and over again. “Oh how you know how to kiss like the rain.” Isn’t that just stunning? I want someone to talk about my like this. I want it so badly. I want to be a storm, so fierce and so sweet, who moves gracefully while still being a whirlwind. Does that make any sense?

I feel like this album is full of the love songs I wish were written for me (that sounds really sad, but I promise it isn’t.) It just makes me feel happy and loved on the inside. Maybe I’m just filling my desire for summer-lovin’ (had me a blast) with this album, and I think that’s OK. This is not to say that I’m discontent, I’m so very happy and I just feel like this has done nothing but help water the peace and joy that’s planted in my heart. Does that make sense? I don’t know.

Sorry if none of this made sense. I just am loving this right now and it’s making me feel a lot of things (mostly good things) and I wanted to share it with you. I can’t make much sense of how I feel right now, both about this and just about my life in general, but I knew I needed to share this. It’s the sort of thing that haunts me until I share it with everyone. I just have a lot of feelings about a lot of things and this album is helping me to make sense of it all. I don’t know. I just don’t know. I want this to make sense, and I’m not sure it does. Oh well, I’ve made less sense over less important things.

Mission of the Day- Listen to this album the whole way through and then tell me what you think? Does anything speak to you? What’s your favorite song?

Question of the Day- What have you been listening to this summer? Do you have any suggestions for other things for me to listen to?

Love you!



93 to go…

Sometimes you just need to be the friend who’s there. You need to be around to hold hands and give hugs and be that shoulder to cry on. It isn’t always fun. It certainly isn’t always easy. But I would rather be exhausted and sick than leave a friend in the cold.

I’ve been so blessed to have friends who are so loyal. So blessed to have friends who are always there for me and who never ever leave me on my own. It has meant the absolute world to me and I want to be a friend like that. I want to be the kind of friend who is around and is available and doesn’t give up. That’s the kind of friend I need and that’s the kind of friend I want to be.

So this is a vow. A promise to be around and to be there for the people I care about. To be the kind of friend I need. To be the kind of friend we all need.

Love you!


128 to go…

Tonight was wonderful. My beautiful friend Rachel and I got sushi and laughed and caught up on our lives in a little diner. It was just fabulous. Then we watched Elizabethtown at Nicole’s house. Seriously my new favorite movie. Then Rachel and I just Hung out and rebelled healthily and enjoyed ourselves.

I’ve come to a point where I’m starting to see who I want to be and I’m OK with it. I just need to be willing to get there.

Love you!


Lovely days. 211 to go…

There are days that are just so quintessentially wonderful. Days to laugh with friends and just enjoy the blessing of human life. Today was one of those days.

Half day of school, pizza, screaming goat videos, One Direction, Turkish tea, The Suite Life of Zach and Cost, little siblings, Cupcake Wars, car rides, ear piercings, McIneddibles, musicals, Friendly’s, laughter, sloths and my friends.

I got my second holes pierced in my ears… I feel super hard CORE. I’m super tired.

Love you!


Play-Doh and creating myself. 294 to go…

I saw this brilliant YouTube video by Hank Green that is sure to make you think.

So, that has gotten me thinking. I once had a long discussion with a friend of mine and he said to me that my morals cannot come from other people. They have to be from yourself. However, I disagree. I don’t think that you can just adopt other people’s morals (by morals I mean The List of Things I Believe) but your morals are influenced by your life. The books I’ve read, the music I’ve listened to, the YouTube videos I’ve watched, the people I’ve met, the places I’ve seen, the experiences I’ve had, the lessons I’ve learned, the feelings I’ve felt. All of it makes me who I am and shapes what I believe.

There is a theory, Tabula rasa, that was formulated by John Locke that essentially says that all humans are born as blank slates, neither good nor bad, and are created from there. I agree with a good bit of that theory. I believe that all humans are evil by nature. That’s just the way sin has made us. But I believe that we start out a little bit like a big ball of white Play-Doh with three drops of food coloring on it. A red one on one side, a blue one on another and a yellow one on the last side. We all have colors that make us unique, but once you start kneading that Play-Doh the colors start to become really unique.

The colors swirl and mix and move all over the ball. It is our kneading process: our parents, our childhood, the country we grew up in, the books we read, the tv we watched, the friends we had, the people we met and the places we went that kneaded us into what we are. That’s why we all look so different.

My brother, Jonathan, and I have had a lot of the same experiences in our lives, but we don’t look exactly the same. Because it doesn’t matter how hard you try, you can never knead two different  balls of Play-Doh with food coloring on it the exact same way and get the same product in the end. However, Jon and I look much more alike (and I don’t mean physically) than Justin Bieber and I do, or even my mom and I do.

I’m not saying that life just man handles us until we turn into one large, brown mass of Play-Doh (although it feels like it does) we get to decide some of what makes you. You’re choices make you.

I don’t know how to conclude this. I’m tired. And we both know how that goes.

Love you!


The way they look at me. 299 to go…

I have an incredible friend named Monica. Monica is my blogging/Doctor Who/John Green/One Direction friend. And over the past couple of months she has been the greatest encouragement to me. Monica has been supportive, loving, encouraging and brilliant when I need her most. Monica has been the proof to me that I’m not writing this blog for nothing. Through blogging we have built an incredible friendship and we’ve been able to learn from one another.

You know how we tend to idolize people? When I was a sophomore, I looked at my friend Erin and thought she was perfect. She was beautiful, an artist, brilliant, kind and wonderful. She was all of the things I ever hoped to be. I was often worried that she would think I was weird if she knew how cool I thought she was, and maybe she did. But as I see how some of my younger friends look at me I’m not weirded out, I’m flattered. Like, beyond flattered. Most girls will say that they don’t think they’re beautiful and they’re telling the truth. So, to know that someone thinks you’re beautiful and wonderful is an incredible thing. I’m not saying I deserve it. I never could, but I’m so blessed by the support.

As I grow up, I’m not sure what I want to be, but I know who I want to be.

Question of the Day- who do you want to be?

Mission of the Day- tell someone how wonderful you think they are and be honest.

Love you!


Ps- I would never forget about you Bethany. I can’t even words about how much you mean. You’re both so incredibly special to me.

Alaska and wanting. 301 to go…

I wish I knew what to say today. I’ve been reading through some Looking for Alaska and Paper Towns quotes.

Gosh. I forgot how much I want to be Alaska and Margo Roth Spiegelman. To be a girl with streaks to maintain. To be the kind of girl who’s a legend. The kind of girl worth talking about once I’m gone.

Can I be really honest with you? I really don’t think I’m that great. I’m pudgy, awkward, loud, obnoxious, weird, nerdy, clumsy, emotional and a tad bit clingy. I don’t have a cute way of looking out of the corner of my eye, of half smiling, or making literary references that normal people understand. I’m just plain old me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy living the life I’ve been given, but goodness, I find myself aching to be noticed. To have someone to text and to feel giggly around. Someone who makes me smile and who actually likes me.

Isn’t that so human? “I just want to be loved…” Yes Ben Rector, me too…

Question of the Day- what do you want? Like, really, desperately, acheinthestomach want?

Love you!